I think one of the hardest things to accomplish throughout a lifetime is truly accepting yourself for who you are. I'm not talking where you're from, what you look like or who you know. Not the music you like food you prefer or your favorite movie. I'm talking about how you make decisions, what you learn and how you justify your conclusions. What you think about your decisions or what other people do for that matter. What inside you determines how you will inevitably be perceived by others? I'm 21 years old and I still wake up every morning in a fog, thicker than an overcast dusk at the beach, a fog the continually forces me to ask questions and somehow find out the answers on my own. But what makes an answer right or wrong? Is it what I think is right or my superiors. But at this point in my life who is considered a superior. I mean professors could care less if I show up to class cause at the end of the day they still get paid, and well, managers value you as little as the satisfied customer leaving their store. Employee's are a dime a dozen really, they come and go as often as cars in a parking garage or good tv series. So what makes my opinion, my decisions, my actions matter except for what I think about them. Maybe it's the possibility that I could have the opportunity to teach a child one day, maybe my child. But then again another question arises, is what I'm teaching the right thing to be learned?
So I've decided life is full of unanswered questions, or shall I say, unanswerable questions, because in all honesty who's really to say what the right answers might be. Many will argue God, but we can all agree that's the most unanswered question amongst them all. Of course we all have something to believe in but in most cases it's different than that of our friends, family, peers and elders. We come to these conclusions on our own because we don't know any other way around it. Who's there to teach us another way when everyone around us is doing things for their own reasons, to satisfy their own beliefs or theories of how this world exists and how we all matter in it.
So how do you accept yourself for who you are when you can't really explain how you got that way in the first place? When the only answer you fall upon is 'just because.' Ideas, thoughts, theories, names, places or reasons pop into your head and the only basis you're mind can muster is what you've lived, witnessed or been taught by someone else who is or who has been in the same state of being. Life as we know it is a never-ending circle of questions, thoughts, experiences or lessons that somehow get passed on from generation to generation in the same fog that I wake up in every morning.
I talked on the phone to three or four different people today, swapping stories and making plans. I don't even like talking on the phone, but for some odd reason I dialed these numbers in hopes to learn something new about the person on the other end but most importantly about myself. You know what I learned? I realized that I tell people often I don't like being alone when in reality I have enjoyed nothing more than these few moments of piece. Of course I must agree that 1200 square feet is quite excessive for one person, but I've spent these moments reading, writing, thinking, organizing, everything that ends with ING. I've spent 21 years trying to figure out who I really am and whether I like that person or not. About 20 and a half years I've disappointed myself. I've picked all the wrong people to put my faith in. I chose the wrong sport to dedicate my life too. I haven't tried hard enough at school or let myself excel at the things I do best. I chose the wrong college. Who pays for school when they don't have too by turning down scholorships? For what? The weather. The closeness to home. The reason not to escape from it all, or trust in myself to become what people might be proud of. 20 and a half years not proud of myself. Is that healthy? I didn't think so either. I'm 21 now and my world has changed. Yeah I still wake up in a fog, I struggle with money, at school, I'm not a very good driver or very graceful on two feet. I'm still deathly afraid to fly or of what lurks 2000 leagues under the sea. I still have trouble putting faith in the right people or giving more and receiving less. I still haven't graduated or told every truth I could. So yeah I still have plenty of reasons to lose faith in myself. But I haven't. I gained a faith I never had before. I value the mistakes I've made. I've learned to ask for help and not to when I don't really need it. So I could be in better shape, I could pick a major and I could clean my room more often. But I don't and after all this time I'm ok with that!
I think one of the hardest things to accomplish throughout a lifetime is truly accepting yourself for who you are. Well this is who I am.
My favorite color has always been red even though I live, breath, eat, bleed Dodger Blue! My favorite food will probably always be mac n' cheese because it reminds me of my stomach against the hardwood floor sandwiched by my big brothers. I'll probably always laugh at things that most people think aren't funny because I truly believe laughter is the best medicine. I'll probably never regularly wear makeup or even figure out how to put it on myself anyways. I'll definitely always like the acoustic song on an album more than the rest. I'll always cry for no apparent reason just cause it feels good sometimes. I'll always let myself down but do my best not to let it show. I'll hope to get married soon to this boy, this boy I value more than myself. I hope to hold onto that love with everything I have, because Love is the greatest feeling to truly capture and I plan to only have it once.
So this is my story. You can read it and forget it. You can value it for merely an opinion or use it to base your own conclusions. But it's just a story. It's 2:43 am. I'm going to go to sleep in a few minutes and surely I'll wake up in a thick haze. I'll Call the love of my life and enjoy a bowl of fruit loops, take a warm shower and put on a hat I've already decided to wear mostly because I feel making small decisions for the next day gives me that extra boost to actually wake up in such a fog and challenge the day to another adventure.
I can't really tell you why I wrote this, and I honestly couldn't blame you if you didn't make it this far in reading it. But if you did you could at least say you know me a little better, and I think I like that. It's good to develop strong relationships not because of where you're from, what music you like, what food you prefer or your favorite movie. Yeah you guessed it, because of you really have become and if you've found to accept it. Good night. 'Gra Go Deo'
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
entry 2. (originally posted 20 Jun 2007)
I've decided the more time you spend alone the more you figure things out. I mean how often do you really sit there and think about your life and what you're doing in it. So here's my entry of things I've recently figured out about myself, where I've been and where I'm eventually headed.
I'm sitting here, another lonely night, watching "the last kiss," Zach Braff being a personal fav of mine and obviously the first thing I thought was how much I miss Jeremy. I've thought about all the relationships and friendships I've had and the few that actually mattered. I remember when we are all in middle school and high school when having the most friends made life better or fuller, if you will. But to be quite frank, that's shit. I've come to learn that it's ten times better to have a few great friendships and one true love. He's the person that I honestly could say I can't live without. Not a day an hour a moment goes by that I don't feel so full of life with him, or even thinking of him when he's away. My sense of security is at its utmost capacity and my heart doesn't have room for anyone else. So who cares how many friends I have or how many people I know, I have him and that's all that matters.
I've fallen into this remembrance of times that hurt so bad I felt like they couldn't get any worse. But I'm sure we've all been there before. People let people down and I've come to accept it. It's my fault really; I put too much time and effort into being there for others I couldn't truly expect to get it in return right. But through all this painstaking misery, through all those times I've cried so hard or stopped breathing for the few moments to let it all sink in I've gotten so much more in return. I've come to appreciate those who do put in as much as me more. I've seen the greater side of people I would have missed without the heartache.
I've never cried harder than I have these past few weeks. The second he walked out the door I felt as though my heart stopped beating. I thought I couldn't live without him and here I am on my own and ironically enough I've learned to live. I've learned to accept that people can love me as much as I do them. Like sometimes I feel like he can love me more with all that he's gotten me through. But obviously that's not possible I mean I've permanently tattooed my love for him on my skin. I've learned to have faith in life. Things hurt sometimes, they can fucking hurt so bad you don't want to get out of bed but that's what makes you who you are right? It's the reasons, the places, and the people that pull you out of bed in the morning that make life worth living.
So here I am alone again and I'm okay with it. Yeah I cried tonight watching this movie about a guy cheating on his pregnant girlfriend because he's scared to realize that this may just be how his life is supposed to end up. Man was I a little bit of both characters. I'm the girlfriend in that I can't wait to settle down with my one true love. I've put my whole world into the single most important thing in my life and if anything were to jeopardize this bliss it would all come crashing down before my eyes. I'm the boyfriend in that I'm constantly terrified if this is how my life is supposed to be. Have I made all the right choices and God forbid could I have done better? How do you know? How can you honestly not be scared that how you end up might be because you fucked up along the way? I constantly fear I haven't become the person I was planned out to be. But what do you do? I guess that's the most important lesson I've learned through all this thought. Even if I haven't become the person I was supposed to be I've created this life on my own so I guess, as contradictory as it sounds, I actually have become who I'm supposed to be. I've grown and yeah I've messed up, I've messed up pretty bad, but I've learned. And even though it's not all perfect life's not supposed to be right? I'm gonna have to end this with the lyrics to one of my all time favorite songs.
I'm sitting here, another lonely night, watching "the last kiss," Zach Braff being a personal fav of mine and obviously the first thing I thought was how much I miss Jeremy. I've thought about all the relationships and friendships I've had and the few that actually mattered. I remember when we are all in middle school and high school when having the most friends made life better or fuller, if you will. But to be quite frank, that's shit. I've come to learn that it's ten times better to have a few great friendships and one true love. He's the person that I honestly could say I can't live without. Not a day an hour a moment goes by that I don't feel so full of life with him, or even thinking of him when he's away. My sense of security is at its utmost capacity and my heart doesn't have room for anyone else. So who cares how many friends I have or how many people I know, I have him and that's all that matters.
I've fallen into this remembrance of times that hurt so bad I felt like they couldn't get any worse. But I'm sure we've all been there before. People let people down and I've come to accept it. It's my fault really; I put too much time and effort into being there for others I couldn't truly expect to get it in return right. But through all this painstaking misery, through all those times I've cried so hard or stopped breathing for the few moments to let it all sink in I've gotten so much more in return. I've come to appreciate those who do put in as much as me more. I've seen the greater side of people I would have missed without the heartache.
I've never cried harder than I have these past few weeks. The second he walked out the door I felt as though my heart stopped beating. I thought I couldn't live without him and here I am on my own and ironically enough I've learned to live. I've learned to accept that people can love me as much as I do them. Like sometimes I feel like he can love me more with all that he's gotten me through. But obviously that's not possible I mean I've permanently tattooed my love for him on my skin. I've learned to have faith in life. Things hurt sometimes, they can fucking hurt so bad you don't want to get out of bed but that's what makes you who you are right? It's the reasons, the places, and the people that pull you out of bed in the morning that make life worth living.
So here I am alone again and I'm okay with it. Yeah I cried tonight watching this movie about a guy cheating on his pregnant girlfriend because he's scared to realize that this may just be how his life is supposed to end up. Man was I a little bit of both characters. I'm the girlfriend in that I can't wait to settle down with my one true love. I've put my whole world into the single most important thing in my life and if anything were to jeopardize this bliss it would all come crashing down before my eyes. I'm the boyfriend in that I'm constantly terrified if this is how my life is supposed to be. Have I made all the right choices and God forbid could I have done better? How do you know? How can you honestly not be scared that how you end up might be because you fucked up along the way? I constantly fear I haven't become the person I was planned out to be. But what do you do? I guess that's the most important lesson I've learned through all this thought. Even if I haven't become the person I was supposed to be I've created this life on my own so I guess, as contradictory as it sounds, I actually have become who I'm supposed to be. I've grown and yeah I've messed up, I've messed up pretty bad, but I've learned. And even though it's not all perfect life's not supposed to be right? I'm gonna have to end this with the lyrics to one of my all time favorite songs.
So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
Its all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
Its all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
Entry 3. (originally posted 1 Jul 2007)
trust. faith. hope. love. happiness.
The things we all spend our whole lives searching for and very few of us capture their essence.
I used to trust everything and everyone. I used to trust myself. but as I grow with all the challenges I've faced I no longer am strong enough to put my faith in someone else let alone myself. So many people have let me down. I let myself down almost every day. I didn't do this, try that, or accoplish what I set out to do. How can I trust other people not to let me down when I can't even trust myself right?
I have faith that things will eventually turn out the way they were planned. I've learned to take things as they come and live life day by day. I've always made such big plans, I used to have my whole life set. yet with time and struggle came failure. I don't take failure to well. I no longer make plans on how to live or what to acheive. I plan to live and thats all. I put faith in small things because I then don't let myself down as much. I have faith the dodgers will win the world series. and i have alot of time to see that happen. I have faith in my relationship with the most perfect boy in the world. and I plan to be with him forever. And i have faith that i will one day be successful I just stopped planning how that was going to happen.
I hope I learn enough to make life easier on myself. It's tough living in constant struggle but it's easy to hope for the best. I hope every day to meet the person or people that can change my life.
And I believe I've come across a few of those people.
I hope i've changed someone else's life. I hope i've made my parents proud and set an example for others.
I love life. The sense of being alive, sharing it with others, learning who I am and who I might become. I love, love! the greatest feeling is knowing you have someone there to support you in all of your decisions. someone to pick you up when you fall and raise you higher when your off the ground. I love the relationships you can build with others to where you can learn to trust them.
and here we are at the beginning again. when you hope to love, you can love, and when you love you can trust and when you can trust I have faith you can be Happy.
Theres my thoughts for tonight.
I miss you my love, with every second that passes i feel more alone than ever. You are my world and I can;t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
-lindsay
The things we all spend our whole lives searching for and very few of us capture their essence.
I used to trust everything and everyone. I used to trust myself. but as I grow with all the challenges I've faced I no longer am strong enough to put my faith in someone else let alone myself. So many people have let me down. I let myself down almost every day. I didn't do this, try that, or accoplish what I set out to do. How can I trust other people not to let me down when I can't even trust myself right?
I have faith that things will eventually turn out the way they were planned. I've learned to take things as they come and live life day by day. I've always made such big plans, I used to have my whole life set. yet with time and struggle came failure. I don't take failure to well. I no longer make plans on how to live or what to acheive. I plan to live and thats all. I put faith in small things because I then don't let myself down as much. I have faith the dodgers will win the world series. and i have alot of time to see that happen. I have faith in my relationship with the most perfect boy in the world. and I plan to be with him forever. And i have faith that i will one day be successful I just stopped planning how that was going to happen.
I hope I learn enough to make life easier on myself. It's tough living in constant struggle but it's easy to hope for the best. I hope every day to meet the person or people that can change my life.
And I believe I've come across a few of those people.
I hope i've changed someone else's life. I hope i've made my parents proud and set an example for others.
I love life. The sense of being alive, sharing it with others, learning who I am and who I might become. I love, love! the greatest feeling is knowing you have someone there to support you in all of your decisions. someone to pick you up when you fall and raise you higher when your off the ground. I love the relationships you can build with others to where you can learn to trust them.
and here we are at the beginning again. when you hope to love, you can love, and when you love you can trust and when you can trust I have faith you can be Happy.
Theres my thoughts for tonight.
I miss you my love, with every second that passes i feel more alone than ever. You are my world and I can;t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
-lindsay
Tucson, My hell on earth (originally posted 29 Oct 2007)
Have you ever felt like your life was finally turning around for the best. Like all the things you've spent sooo long trying to figure out we're really coming together. and if you've ever felt this, this overwhelming feeling of content has it been stripped from you in an instant.
I Have.
This friday afternoon I was actually have a conversation with great friends on how deep i was in this hole of mine but because of them, because of my amazing boyfriend, roommate, team, family, car I had gotten myself out and truly felt happy. My hole had turned into a ditch if you will, so yeah, i might tripp and fall in but not deep enough to be where i've been not so long ago.
This conversation actually took place moments before the worst moment of my life.
So im driving to tucson arizona with some on the best people I know in the car with me. Im on the phone with my best friend spittin vegas vacation jokes before we enter yuma arizona and Literally speaking the words "I love My life!" when a semi truck runs me off the road and my heart stops. we land in a ditch, oddly enough, on the roof of my car and i honestly cant breath, cant think, cant bare to know how the people sitting next to me are.
Have you ever had your life flash before you eyes. I have the first time I flipped my car off the freeway. But this time I had the lives of others flash. this time my world almost ended on the account of others well being. I never thought i could be responsible for someone I care so much about. I never knew what it felt like to lose someone with a blink of an eye. It's indescribable really and something I'm not sure i'll ever be able to overcome.
We're all fine! thank God. again I have survived what has brought an end to so many.
yet it's 3 days later and my heart still skips beats, my eyes dont close tight enough when
Sleep, i cant breath deep, or look in their eyes and not die inside. I could care less
about my most prized posession lying upside down in the dirt ditch that has
metaphorically become my deep hole again.
I couldn't be more thankful for whatever up there has gotten me through another catastrophic event. I couldn't have more faith in life for salvaging the lives of those three amazing girls. I couldn't appreciate more the people around me that have put forth the effort to get me out of this mental state. and yet i cant breath deep, close my eyes tight, or look in their eyes and not absolutely fall to pieces. how do you escape this. I'm not sure you can tell me how.
This life. this crazy life has not ceased to amaze me. scare me. break me. so please bare with me because i've yet to believe in me.
To those of you affected by this. I'm sorry. I'm as sorry as I'll ever be. and I want you to know. to really know that I would never intentionally do anything that could possibly hurt you. and im trying so hard to break myself of this. this overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself. I love you and I'll never leave your sight
without reminding you of that.
lyndz <3
I Have.
This friday afternoon I was actually have a conversation with great friends on how deep i was in this hole of mine but because of them, because of my amazing boyfriend, roommate, team, family, car I had gotten myself out and truly felt happy. My hole had turned into a ditch if you will, so yeah, i might tripp and fall in but not deep enough to be where i've been not so long ago.
This conversation actually took place moments before the worst moment of my life.
So im driving to tucson arizona with some on the best people I know in the car with me. Im on the phone with my best friend spittin vegas vacation jokes before we enter yuma arizona and Literally speaking the words "I love My life!" when a semi truck runs me off the road and my heart stops. we land in a ditch, oddly enough, on the roof of my car and i honestly cant breath, cant think, cant bare to know how the people sitting next to me are.
Have you ever had your life flash before you eyes. I have the first time I flipped my car off the freeway. But this time I had the lives of others flash. this time my world almost ended on the account of others well being. I never thought i could be responsible for someone I care so much about. I never knew what it felt like to lose someone with a blink of an eye. It's indescribable really and something I'm not sure i'll ever be able to overcome.
We're all fine! thank God. again I have survived what has brought an end to so many.
yet it's 3 days later and my heart still skips beats, my eyes dont close tight enough when
Sleep, i cant breath deep, or look in their eyes and not die inside. I could care less
about my most prized posession lying upside down in the dirt ditch that has
metaphorically become my deep hole again.
I couldn't be more thankful for whatever up there has gotten me through another catastrophic event. I couldn't have more faith in life for salvaging the lives of those three amazing girls. I couldn't appreciate more the people around me that have put forth the effort to get me out of this mental state. and yet i cant breath deep, close my eyes tight, or look in their eyes and not absolutely fall to pieces. how do you escape this. I'm not sure you can tell me how.
This life. this crazy life has not ceased to amaze me. scare me. break me. so please bare with me because i've yet to believe in me.
To those of you affected by this. I'm sorry. I'm as sorry as I'll ever be. and I want you to know. to really know that I would never intentionally do anything that could possibly hurt you. and im trying so hard to break myself of this. this overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself. I love you and I'll never leave your sight
without reminding you of that.
lyndz <3
originally posted 02 May 2008
aw, well what to say tonight. another lonely night at an odd hour of the morning. actually according to my cable box it just struck 2 am which would make it an even hour of the morning. haha told you i make myself laugh more than anyone else.
so i'm listening to mandy moore, the spill canvas, and flyleaf mix. it's kind of a blissful time for me. aside from the fact that i'm struggling through writing this paper due tomorrow. I have to try to put myself in the shoes of someone who actually experienced the holocaust. seriously though how am I supposed to do that. I cannot fathom the words descriptive enough of how icredibly terrible that entire situation played out to be. so i've decided to tell my teacher those words exactly and take the time to mention how much my eyes have been opened and my heart strengthened towards people. as if I didnt already care about people enough as it is.
so we got our dream house. WOW i can't believe for once i may actually love where i live. my room, my roommates (not that i don't love my current roommate, because i do, she's one special girl) but the whole thought of my upcoming nuptuals excites me like christmas eve. maybe thats why i cant sleep. seriously though 4 bed 2 bath, the fourth bedroom transformed into entertainment city so we can throw kickin parties with pita spinnin and me continuing to dominate in wii tennis. thats right DOMINATE. in the heart of north park. how sick is that. i know, its ok to be jealous. i would be... but im not, cuz its me hahaha not to rub it in.
so i bought a bike this week. and it rules. i havent ridin it yet, how sad is that? but i am tomorrow. seriously i got my bike lock today so i can protect my awesome property. i picked out my outfit for tomorrow and set my alarm a little earlier so i can ride to the trolly and cruise the campus tomorrow on my sweet wheels. im pretty stoked.
still awaiting a call from the job of my dreams. i have until may 12 to freak out over whether they want me in for an interview or not. how stressful right. but im trying not to think about that considering im already stressed about my grade of the goddamn GSP. eff that test man. i should get my score next week and well you'll all find out how that fares at that time. hopefully well, but whos to say with how lame grammar is. and now that im talking about grammar please dont go through and correct any of my mistakes in this or any of my myspace writings that is. cuz well that would be lame and i wouldnt like you anymore if you did.
well i guess thats all for now. back to my paper and hopefully dream town by 3 am. an odd hour of the night. ha!
peace love and happiness. please!
lindsay
so i'm listening to mandy moore, the spill canvas, and flyleaf mix. it's kind of a blissful time for me. aside from the fact that i'm struggling through writing this paper due tomorrow. I have to try to put myself in the shoes of someone who actually experienced the holocaust. seriously though how am I supposed to do that. I cannot fathom the words descriptive enough of how icredibly terrible that entire situation played out to be. so i've decided to tell my teacher those words exactly and take the time to mention how much my eyes have been opened and my heart strengthened towards people. as if I didnt already care about people enough as it is.
so we got our dream house. WOW i can't believe for once i may actually love where i live. my room, my roommates (not that i don't love my current roommate, because i do, she's one special girl) but the whole thought of my upcoming nuptuals excites me like christmas eve. maybe thats why i cant sleep. seriously though 4 bed 2 bath, the fourth bedroom transformed into entertainment city so we can throw kickin parties with pita spinnin and me continuing to dominate in wii tennis. thats right DOMINATE. in the heart of north park. how sick is that. i know, its ok to be jealous. i would be... but im not, cuz its me hahaha not to rub it in.
so i bought a bike this week. and it rules. i havent ridin it yet, how sad is that? but i am tomorrow. seriously i got my bike lock today so i can protect my awesome property. i picked out my outfit for tomorrow and set my alarm a little earlier so i can ride to the trolly and cruise the campus tomorrow on my sweet wheels. im pretty stoked.
still awaiting a call from the job of my dreams. i have until may 12 to freak out over whether they want me in for an interview or not. how stressful right. but im trying not to think about that considering im already stressed about my grade of the goddamn GSP. eff that test man. i should get my score next week and well you'll all find out how that fares at that time. hopefully well, but whos to say with how lame grammar is. and now that im talking about grammar please dont go through and correct any of my mistakes in this or any of my myspace writings that is. cuz well that would be lame and i wouldnt like you anymore if you did.
well i guess thats all for now. back to my paper and hopefully dream town by 3 am. an odd hour of the night. ha!
peace love and happiness. please!
lindsay
another blast from the past (originally posted 18 Jun 2008)
so this is really random of me i suppose but i just got in the mood to tell ya'll some random shizz about myself. don't ask me why because i would have nothing to tell you. i just plain feel like it.
maybe its just because i like to write. and i like myself. so why not write about myself. haha
anywhoo. lets start with this. i have a black tea, unstweetened with no water (yeah i like it strong) almost every morning. and sometimes i get it for like 50 cents. aww to have friends in high places. and yes i think the people that provide me with the caffeine stricken beverage that gets me through my day are in high places.
I have fallen in love with my car. yeah it took me a while because well if you know me you know it wasnt a car i really chose to purchase. wanna know what im talking about. here's a quick rundown. i used to have a big truck. aww my love. then gas jumped up to like 3 dollars at the time which seemed outrageous. funny how things turned out. well with 2 jobs and school blah blah blah i was driving way to much to have a gas guzzler. traded the puppy in for a scion tc. my one true love. ran off the road by a semi- most traumatizing day of my life that still haunts my dreams (see photos in soccer shinanigans album). anywhoo then purchased this little devil on the whim of a slight employee discount my daddy gets. turns out it was the best car i could be driving while exxon mobil continues to make drivers bend over and take it up the tail pipe. well long story short on that one i've really grown to love howard "howie" the sweet civ-ee who gets me from point a to point b in what i like to see as true san diego style. windows down music blazin, bike rack in tow. im starting to enjoy driving again.
ok so the past few weeks have shown me that i truly love to be busy. even if it is working to much for not enough if you know what im saying. but honestly its moments like this (home alone with jack to do) that i'm a little on the unhappy side. i just want to do something. more than spit shit with the cyber world. ya dig. i like to work. what the fuck. did i just say that. shit. i did. but i do. mostly because i've met my best friends at jobs especially my current occupance at the container store. i have found that you can truly be yourself around the people that work there and because of that i have made friends like never before. so i dont mind working every day. i dunno mayb e its the a-d-h-d in me that i always need to be moving. and work is a perfect solution.
well moving on i'm bored with that subject. so here's a distinct quality. i love color. as a matter of fact im not a big fan of wearing black without at least adding a little colorful flare. you know. and on that note i guess i'll express my love for ridiculous shoes. like i just bought these shoes. they're high-tops. black and white with silver around the laces, and for the best part a pink lightning bolt. fuck yeah dude. a hot pink lightning bolt. and i'm currently in the market for these nikes. accented with black demin lime green and hot pink. ska-dooosh.
my new addition to the color scheme is rad sunglasses. i used to only wear brand name shades. then i decided that was lame. with exception to the oakleys and von zip's i still own and rock hard. but cheap ass random colored specs. thats what i'm talkin about.
so i walked into work the other day, not going to work, just pickin some stuff up with my killer discount and everyone threw a peace sign at me. did i forget to mention im your average day hippie. v-necks, vests, flip flops/vans classics and some tore up jeans. my outfit of choice. so im super casual. can you blame me. its flippen comfortable. i do have a thing for shirts that show off the boobies though. not that i'm trying to pick up anyone. just like to show off one of my best assets bahhhhh.
lets see. i like. lightning bolts. my bike (cruuuuiser). full house. indie flicks. funk. yeah i said it. funk. not the smell huh. video games. especially wiiiiiiiii. soccer. the sun. 80 degrees or hotter please. big goofy looking sharks (see video in my comments). the word oscillating. its fun to say. pickles. pizza. possibly in the same meal. writing. muuuuusak. periods. no not the menstual cycle. the punctuation piont. but im sure you could have figured that one out.
right now my favorite thing to do is drink with pita and spit stupid shit until we fall to the floor laughing. actually turns out we dont even need to drink. if theres a snake involved its fuckin high-larious.
i love amanda bynes. or at least her show what i like about you. seriously. watch it, its fliipen awesome. i like writing on this blog and then checking to see if anyone has read it. even though i have no idea who those people might be. i like to think i could be friends with people on reality tv shows. haha yeah im fooled by them, scripted or not, that the people on them are really being themselves. i get to the point where i feel like i know em. haha lame i know. but dont act like you dont too. like bri on the real world. what a dumbass. i dont think we'd hit it off. but brittany from a shot at love 2. yeah we'd be homies fo sho. ha i'm trying to make it to an event shes hosting on friday so if your in to go let me know hahahaha. man i make myself laugh sometimes on being so pathetic. but whatever you can never have enough friends right so i mine as well try to make some with strangers. whatever dont judge me i dont judge you.
well. ive decided to mkae something to eat right now. so ill come back to this later.
until then i hope you were entertained.
- im still lindsay.
Oldie but goodie (originally posted 22 Jun 2008)
hello again.
so its after one in the morning and of course i'm not sleeping. you see i have this thing called insomnia. or maybe im nocturnal. ooor maybe its because i slept till noon today. or yesterday, shall i say.
either way i was compelled to write whats racing through this intricate mind of mine. see what happens when im home alone. turn on the tunes and contimplate the life im living.
this time i have come to the conclusion that no matter how grounded i thought i was, i really have no idea who i really am. i mean my sense of fashion and taste in music hasnt changed much over the years, i'm still friends with pretty much everyone i grew up with and i think i know where i'm headed. so where did this conclusion derive from?
i know. good question, right? every day i am confronted with questions i cant seem to answer. of course theres the obvious like do you want to have kids? or are you ready to get married? well of course i cant answer those i'm 22 with the mind of a 12 year old (exaggerating a bit of course) im not ready to answer those questions.
on the other hand theres situations like why do i cling on to relationships where the other person doesnt put in nearly as much effort as i do and sometimes dismiss the ones that do. or on another note why is it so difficult for me to put my faith in someone. maybe its because of the many broken hearts i have endured. but that all leads back to the initial problem of picking the wrong people in the first place.
you know i dont really have a "best" friend. if that even exists. but you know that one person to share my deepest secrets with. yeah, thats right, i have deep secrets. i mean theres always my boo who i can tell almost everything but we all know theres that line you cant cross with the bffff. thats boyfriend pronounced buh-fffff. and theres my bro's. my real best friends.
yet i still dont have that one person significantly labeled a bestie or bff. no not pronounced buh-fff but an acronym for best friend forever. haha. maybe its because i cant really find that person without truly defining who i am first.
man this is getting pretty heavy.
so i guess i'll continue to try to heal this despairing heart of mine by myself even though i could probably use a little help. if your interested im taking applications. haha.
you know there is one thing i truly know about myself. and i actually kind of pride myself on it. i'm a really good friend. no fuck that i'm a great friend. i always put others before myself even if it falls on the unhealthy side. and oddly enough im always there for the rough stuff even though i cant even get close to fixing my broken pieces. kinda like bri from the real world. that bitch is always giving advice even though her life is the most fucked up. you know except im less of a dumbass and definitely not a stripper haha. i honestly just love to see other people smile especially if i threw it on em'.
either way i've got alot of stuff to work out. join me...won't you!
well i guess thats all for now. just a snippet into my world, if you will.
until we speak again
- i'm still lindsay
Monday, September 14, 2009
patience
a virtue that I lack.
lately I have been confronted with situations that have thus made me realize that I need to slow down and take life for what it is sometimes. I dont always need things right now, or a certain way. I dont need to expect so much out of people or from myself for that matter.
I feel like I almost lost a friend last night. a petty fight, if you could call it that, struck out of my own inability to be patient with the differences in human beings. I didn't understand my "best friends" reasoning for her recent actions and, as usual, jumped to my typical 'always thinking the worst' conclusions that something was wrong, she was mad, it was my fault fiasco.
Fiasco. i continually turn my own life into a self-stricken fiasco. Why the fuck would I do that to myself is the real question at heart.
patience. a virtue that I lack.
I feel if i brought more patience into my life I could easily avoid these petty situations of self-doubt and possible loss. I could sit back and think about my actions before acting upon my thoughts. I could place myself in the other persons shoes and then find it easier to understand why (back to my previous story) she would act the way she does.
really it has nothing to do with me. but do i understand that. of course I could type that. i could say it out loud a million times. but do i believe it. do i understand it. of course not. thats my biggest problem. I've got a therapists dream list of problems to work out, but if i were to pick out the one that is the spark to the flame it would be that one. it has nothing to do with me... and i need to believe that.
I have a laundry list of lost friends for no apparent reason. some who mattered less than others, but some who were with me during some of my most life transitioning times, some i 'believed' would be there forever and for everything. but notice the past tense on believe. because they are not there and as far as im concerned they never were. so now that I do have a person in my life that will be there, that has been there, and has shown that she's not going anywhere i walk on what i like to refer to as--eggshells.
fuckin eggshells. so far i've been anything but a good judge of character seeing as i've put my heart and soul into these friendships and have, as previously noted, lost every last one of them. so i continuously think that the common denominator in each of those freindships was of course myself. so it has to be my fault somewhere along the line right?... wrong.... maybe a little right. see I can't even type that its not always my fault because saying it and believing it are two different things.
so here I am talking myself in circles over what may not really make much sense in the first place when all i really wanted to note was I lack patience. and at first intention i was referring to my necessity for things to be instantaneous. like explanations, new shoes, grades, cars, fights and resolutions... the list goes on.
but here i am... again a lost soul with a list of problems. we all have problems though right? so ill move on, wake up tomorrow morning to another beautiful san diego day. kiss the love of my life on the forehead and feed my puppy before i head off to another perfectly scheduled day of , work and chores 'patiently' await the arrival of a roommate/bestie, hope she'll text me a random comment because she wants to share something with me, type up another one of these (because i have set a goal for myself to write more as a personal therapy) and head to bed for another day of self-stricken fiasco.
until we speak again,
i'm still the fucked up version of my formal self
lindsay.
i miss you daddy. every day with everything i have. dodgers are having a good season ;)
lately I have been confronted with situations that have thus made me realize that I need to slow down and take life for what it is sometimes. I dont always need things right now, or a certain way. I dont need to expect so much out of people or from myself for that matter.
I feel like I almost lost a friend last night. a petty fight, if you could call it that, struck out of my own inability to be patient with the differences in human beings. I didn't understand my "best friends" reasoning for her recent actions and, as usual, jumped to my typical 'always thinking the worst' conclusions that something was wrong, she was mad, it was my fault fiasco.
Fiasco. i continually turn my own life into a self-stricken fiasco. Why the fuck would I do that to myself is the real question at heart.
patience. a virtue that I lack.
I feel if i brought more patience into my life I could easily avoid these petty situations of self-doubt and possible loss. I could sit back and think about my actions before acting upon my thoughts. I could place myself in the other persons shoes and then find it easier to understand why (back to my previous story) she would act the way she does.
really it has nothing to do with me. but do i understand that. of course I could type that. i could say it out loud a million times. but do i believe it. do i understand it. of course not. thats my biggest problem. I've got a therapists dream list of problems to work out, but if i were to pick out the one that is the spark to the flame it would be that one. it has nothing to do with me... and i need to believe that.
I have a laundry list of lost friends for no apparent reason. some who mattered less than others, but some who were with me during some of my most life transitioning times, some i 'believed' would be there forever and for everything. but notice the past tense on believe. because they are not there and as far as im concerned they never were. so now that I do have a person in my life that will be there, that has been there, and has shown that she's not going anywhere i walk on what i like to refer to as--eggshells.
fuckin eggshells. so far i've been anything but a good judge of character seeing as i've put my heart and soul into these friendships and have, as previously noted, lost every last one of them. so i continuously think that the common denominator in each of those freindships was of course myself. so it has to be my fault somewhere along the line right?... wrong.... maybe a little right. see I can't even type that its not always my fault because saying it and believing it are two different things.
so here I am talking myself in circles over what may not really make much sense in the first place when all i really wanted to note was I lack patience. and at first intention i was referring to my necessity for things to be instantaneous. like explanations, new shoes, grades, cars, fights and resolutions... the list goes on.
but here i am... again a lost soul with a list of problems. we all have problems though right? so ill move on, wake up tomorrow morning to another beautiful san diego day. kiss the love of my life on the forehead and feed my puppy before i head off to another perfectly scheduled day of , work and chores 'patiently' await the arrival of a roommate/bestie, hope she'll text me a random comment because she wants to share something with me, type up another one of these (because i have set a goal for myself to write more as a personal therapy) and head to bed for another day of self-stricken fiasco.
until we speak again,
i'm still the fucked up version of my formal self
lindsay.
i miss you daddy. every day with everything i have. dodgers are having a good season ;)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
It's been a very long time ladies and gentlemen, so lets do this quick and dirty style shall we.
1. so boo-skee and i lives in a studio for a wopping 3 months and hated every minute of it. not only did it suck waking up at the buck fuck of dawn having to take brooklyn on a walk to do the... you know... necessities of life. But if it wasnt for poopy duty we'd have to move our cars out of illegal parking situations because the night before after arriving home from a long strenuous day at work not a spot was available remotely close to our complex. Lets see, what else. no garbage disposal. no space. tiny bathroom. the list continues. so what did we do about this unsatifying situation. we moved. again. thats right im officially in my 6th household of 5 years living down here in the most sought out city in the country. But let me tell you this location was totally worth it. we did have to break a lease and find a new tenant, but all struggles aside back to it being totally worth it. i do live in what could quite possibly be the most crowded household in san diego, but so far its been a blasty . 8 people 4 bedrooms, 2 randoms from craigslist who turned out to be ridiculously awesome dudes. not to mention the loves of my life (puppy and boo) and my best friend. So yeah its a little crowded and we have to sweep and do the dishes just about every other second, but I dont think I'd trade it for the world.
2. My last semester is under way and I must say its a little surreal. it just doesnt seem that 5 years ago i was a little freshy in the dorms scared as hell to meet new people and enter that 'real world' everyone had been spoon feeding me for the previous 18 years. i only have 2 classes so thats pretty awesome stress wise except for the fact that i dont really feel like a student at all and i kinda love being a student. the long campus walks with my ear buds rocking killer tunes runnin into teammates and grabbin peabodys organic iced coffee for 2 hour lectures. man... im gonna miss that. but im still pretty excited for what the world is gonna bring.
3. speaking of gifts from the world i just got accepted as an intern for a dream job. its with StayClassy.org which is a social media networking site that is used as a link between charities and event planners where planners make a little money and give back a crap load of money. its an awesome company and program and im incredibly excited about it.
well i guess thats all I have for now. quickie update on the freakishly dynamic life i live that is threateningly busy now a days so if i go another couple months without an update please forgive me for my lack of time management skills.
until we speak again.
im still lindsay.
1. so boo-skee and i lives in a studio for a wopping 3 months and hated every minute of it. not only did it suck waking up at the buck fuck of dawn having to take brooklyn on a walk to do the... you know... necessities of life. But if it wasnt for poopy duty we'd have to move our cars out of illegal parking situations because the night before after arriving home from a long strenuous day at work not a spot was available remotely close to our complex. Lets see, what else. no garbage disposal. no space. tiny bathroom. the list continues. so what did we do about this unsatifying situation. we moved. again. thats right im officially in my 6th household of 5 years living down here in the most sought out city in the country. But let me tell you this location was totally worth it. we did have to break a lease and find a new tenant, but all struggles aside back to it being totally worth it. i do live in what could quite possibly be the most crowded household in san diego, but so far its been a blasty . 8 people 4 bedrooms, 2 randoms from craigslist who turned out to be ridiculously awesome dudes. not to mention the loves of my life (puppy and boo) and my best friend. So yeah its a little crowded and we have to sweep and do the dishes just about every other second, but I dont think I'd trade it for the world.
2. My last semester is under way and I must say its a little surreal. it just doesnt seem that 5 years ago i was a little freshy in the dorms scared as hell to meet new people and enter that 'real world' everyone had been spoon feeding me for the previous 18 years. i only have 2 classes so thats pretty awesome stress wise except for the fact that i dont really feel like a student at all and i kinda love being a student. the long campus walks with my ear buds rocking killer tunes runnin into teammates and grabbin peabodys organic iced coffee for 2 hour lectures. man... im gonna miss that. but im still pretty excited for what the world is gonna bring.
3. speaking of gifts from the world i just got accepted as an intern for a dream job. its with StayClassy.org which is a social media networking site that is used as a link between charities and event planners where planners make a little money and give back a crap load of money. its an awesome company and program and im incredibly excited about it.
well i guess thats all I have for now. quickie update on the freakishly dynamic life i live that is threateningly busy now a days so if i go another couple months without an update please forgive me for my lack of time management skills.
until we speak again.
im still lindsay.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
agh. the semester from hell
so i havent written a ton this semester mostly because well, all things that could go wrong...have!
starting in the beginning of the semester and some of you may be aware, my dad passed away unexpectedly. that sentence has been the first time i've been quasi comfortable writing that down. My daddy was...is, the most important man in my life and losing him has takin every ounce of strength in my lungs to just continue breathing...
i already need to stop writing about that because it's still so sudden. maybe some day i can find the words to express the man he was and the man he will forever remain in my heart and mind.
so let's just start off by saying this semeter started on what you could say, the wrong side of the bed.
this year i decided to take on the president role of sport clubs which posed to be way more work than i anticipated. we're talkin paperwork issues with 500+ athletes, weekly meetings with agendas, trying to compose a major sponsorship letter and finding contacts to send it too, organizing and planning a banquet for the entire program. and at the same time keeping up with my own team shit, like making sure our paperwork is correct and up to date, getting us 1600 bucks out of debt, writing awards nominations, budgeting for next season with major transactions like uniforms and equipment, powerpoint presentations requesting 10,000 bucks, training new girls to take over in the future, and trying to do all this with a crooked mind.
then theres school. 4 classes, one with 14 books to read cover to cover, 10 page papers left and right, tests, discussion board posts, ridiculos assignments for one class imparticular EVERY WEEK and trying to squeeze in some sleep.
and finally...work! closing fridays, opening saturdays, closing sundays. WTF kinda schedule is that. second job working tuesday thursdays during the 5 hours i have available between class and practice.
so after this 'pity me' rant, i really just wanted to give an explanation of why i set aside the one thing I love the most...writing.
not only has my head been a jumbling mess with my dad and trying to stay strong and supportive for my mom, but this semester has been nuts.
oh did i mention we're moving this week. haha. it will be the most unconventional move of my life (not packing much just taking stuff as is) but it definitely couldnt have come at a worse time. yesterday and today haveing to work 1-5/6ish then headed to the school for presentations till 11 pm, bustin an all nighter tomorrow to rock a 10 pager in one night, just to have class at 8am till 12 thursday and then try to move everything by friday at 3 when i have to work. whew. im tired just writing about it.
on another note, i joined the twilight craze, mostly because i was very dissapointed with the movie and had to give the hype justice by reading the book. amazing. that stephanie meyer sure has a way with words, and now i completely understand the craze. then again i'm no edward obsessor as most girls infatuated with the story, i just really enjoy the book .
oh and my bros just took me to a COLD concert for my birthday that was amazing. scooter ward is a lyrical genius and a musical marter.
other than that pathetic rant to my life story for the past few months, im really looking forward to liveng in a place with a ceiling fan, seeing grease with my mom and best friend on stage for my bday and mothers day, school out for the summer in 2 weeks or less, the pet shop opening that i get to work at, and the DODGERS KICKIN MAJOR ASS TO START THE SEASON. no mistake in all caps. thats an all caps statement.
until i get the moment to write again
im still lindsay
starting in the beginning of the semester and some of you may be aware, my dad passed away unexpectedly. that sentence has been the first time i've been quasi comfortable writing that down. My daddy was...is, the most important man in my life and losing him has takin every ounce of strength in my lungs to just continue breathing...
i already need to stop writing about that because it's still so sudden. maybe some day i can find the words to express the man he was and the man he will forever remain in my heart and mind.
so let's just start off by saying this semeter started on what you could say, the wrong side of the bed.
this year i decided to take on the president role of sport clubs which posed to be way more work than i anticipated. we're talkin paperwork issues with 500+ athletes, weekly meetings with agendas, trying to compose a major sponsorship letter and finding contacts to send it too, organizing and planning a banquet for the entire program. and at the same time keeping up with my own team shit, like making sure our paperwork is correct and up to date, getting us 1600 bucks out of debt, writing awards nominations, budgeting for next season with major transactions like uniforms and equipment, powerpoint presentations requesting 10,000 bucks, training new girls to take over in the future, and trying to do all this with a crooked mind.
then theres school. 4 classes, one with 14 books to read cover to cover, 10 page papers left and right, tests, discussion board posts, ridiculos assignments for one class imparticular EVERY WEEK and trying to squeeze in some sleep.
and finally...work! closing fridays, opening saturdays, closing sundays. WTF kinda schedule is that. second job working tuesday thursdays during the 5 hours i have available between class and practice.
so after this 'pity me' rant, i really just wanted to give an explanation of why i set aside the one thing I love the most...writing.
not only has my head been a jumbling mess with my dad and trying to stay strong and supportive for my mom, but this semester has been nuts.
oh did i mention we're moving this week. haha. it will be the most unconventional move of my life (not packing much just taking stuff as is) but it definitely couldnt have come at a worse time. yesterday and today haveing to work 1-5/6ish then headed to the school for presentations till 11 pm, bustin an all nighter tomorrow to rock a 10 pager in one night, just to have class at 8am till 12 thursday and then try to move everything by friday at 3 when i have to work. whew. im tired just writing about it.
on another note, i joined the twilight craze, mostly because i was very dissapointed with the movie and had to give the hype justice by reading the book. amazing. that stephanie meyer sure has a way with words, and now i completely understand the craze. then again i'm no edward obsessor as most girls infatuated with the story, i just really enjoy the book .
oh and my bros just took me to a COLD concert for my birthday that was amazing. scooter ward is a lyrical genius and a musical marter.
other than that pathetic rant to my life story for the past few months, im really looking forward to liveng in a place with a ceiling fan, seeing grease with my mom and best friend on stage for my bday and mothers day, school out for the summer in 2 weeks or less, the pet shop opening that i get to work at, and the DODGERS KICKIN MAJOR ASS TO START THE SEASON. no mistake in all caps. thats an all caps statement.
until i get the moment to write again
im still lindsay
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
killing yourself to live
I would like to start by informing you that I am typing this via my phone so please excuse any typographical errors because im just not that concerned to re read and edit a blog written on a 2 inch screen.
so im reading this book by chuck klosterman who I have decidedly labeled my hero. I fell in love with his writing after my first encounter with sex drugs and cocoa puffs. (again please disregard punctuation abandonment as well) ANYWHOO. this book I have become utterly obsessed with is killing youself to live. a story of chuck himself traveling across america to visit places in which rock greats have deceased. seems strange to say the least but his writing is incredibly infatuating. I have yet to read a book I feel incapable of putting down that makes me laugh out loud and want to write my own novel about the same random, irrational and utterly meaningless to everyone but myself life experiences. until now. I encourage everyone to check this book out. and while your at it sex drugs and cocoa puffs is a good read as well.
other than my literary infatuation, music has taken a huge interest in my current life as usual. im excited to share that I got the spill canvas scraps lp in the mail yesterday and its amazing. nothing sounds better than your favorite band on vinyl. not only is 'no really, im fine' another irresistible album from the lyrical master himself, nick thomas but it has a second album with a live song two acoustics and 5 unreleased tracks. I didn't think I could fall more in love with this band. oh. but I did. not to mention that i ordered two. one purely for listening pleasure and the other in hopes of getting the vinyl signed by the band and framing it as a art piece that will go down in the history of music greats. in my mind that is.
I also ordered la rocca's 'the truth' on vinyl. listen to this record. I urge you. it will change your life. I got a confirmation email that it has been sent and it made my day. not only because of my excitement to listen to this album on vinyl with all its packaging perks of artistic value, but the email told me to 'rejoice!' because its in the mail and what my 'friggin' tracking number was. in those words. which I found to be humorous and rekindled my admiration of people with a sense of humor. touche shockhound.
ANYWHOO. so i come to you via 2 inch phone screen because I am currently sitting in what i like to call educational hell. which brings me to the irony of my tuesday thursday schedule. my 8am class is quite possibly the best class i have ever taken in this 5 plus year college career of mine. i could be gravely mistaken seeing as it's only the third week of school and the first week consisted of one day in which i recieved an overview of the syllabus. but either way maybe thats what makes this class so great. the fact that i have decided in such a miniscule amount of time that it is the best class i have ever taken. you see the irony in this is that it is at 8 oclock in the morning which we all know is a higher being commonly reffered to as god taking a shit on students sleeping patterns. to continue the irony of the day i have an hour and 45 minute break between what i socall consider my favorite class and the class i currently reside in previously noted as educational hell. an hour and 15 minutes of redundant lecturing by a guy that enjoys the sound of his own voice entirely to much. all accompanied by a 95 dollar reader (printed paper bound in green construction paper of 12 articles i'll probably never read) and online tests, meaning my participation in brain activity isnt necessary. so after the best class ever i have over an hour to wait for the worst class ever. talk about killing all anticipation. and for one final shot at ironic events, after this i will head straight to work, a mundane task to say the least in which it is part time and not geared towards capturing my utmost interest, followed by soccer practice where i get to play the game i love with some of the greatest people i know. strange how i can participate in so many things that reside on the opposite sides of my self actualization scale all in the same day. twice a week.
and that is where i leave you my friends. a great novel. even greater music. and a rant on self pity filled irony.
enjoy it or not i at least impressed that i typed this entire thing via treo palm pro. all hail the full qwerty keyboard.
in the words of arnold and his most memorable performance. 'ill be back'
lyndzzz
so im reading this book by chuck klosterman who I have decidedly labeled my hero. I fell in love with his writing after my first encounter with sex drugs and cocoa puffs. (again please disregard punctuation abandonment as well) ANYWHOO. this book I have become utterly obsessed with is killing youself to live. a story of chuck himself traveling across america to visit places in which rock greats have deceased. seems strange to say the least but his writing is incredibly infatuating. I have yet to read a book I feel incapable of putting down that makes me laugh out loud and want to write my own novel about the same random, irrational and utterly meaningless to everyone but myself life experiences. until now. I encourage everyone to check this book out. and while your at it sex drugs and cocoa puffs is a good read as well.
other than my literary infatuation, music has taken a huge interest in my current life as usual. im excited to share that I got the spill canvas scraps lp in the mail yesterday and its amazing. nothing sounds better than your favorite band on vinyl. not only is 'no really, im fine' another irresistible album from the lyrical master himself, nick thomas but it has a second album with a live song two acoustics and 5 unreleased tracks. I didn't think I could fall more in love with this band. oh. but I did. not to mention that i ordered two. one purely for listening pleasure and the other in hopes of getting the vinyl signed by the band and framing it as a art piece that will go down in the history of music greats. in my mind that is.
I also ordered la rocca's 'the truth' on vinyl. listen to this record. I urge you. it will change your life. I got a confirmation email that it has been sent and it made my day. not only because of my excitement to listen to this album on vinyl with all its packaging perks of artistic value, but the email told me to 'rejoice!' because its in the mail and what my 'friggin' tracking number was. in those words. which I found to be humorous and rekindled my admiration of people with a sense of humor. touche shockhound.
ANYWHOO. so i come to you via 2 inch phone screen because I am currently sitting in what i like to call educational hell. which brings me to the irony of my tuesday thursday schedule. my 8am class is quite possibly the best class i have ever taken in this 5 plus year college career of mine. i could be gravely mistaken seeing as it's only the third week of school and the first week consisted of one day in which i recieved an overview of the syllabus. but either way maybe thats what makes this class so great. the fact that i have decided in such a miniscule amount of time that it is the best class i have ever taken. you see the irony in this is that it is at 8 oclock in the morning which we all know is a higher being commonly reffered to as god taking a shit on students sleeping patterns. to continue the irony of the day i have an hour and 45 minute break between what i socall consider my favorite class and the class i currently reside in previously noted as educational hell. an hour and 15 minutes of redundant lecturing by a guy that enjoys the sound of his own voice entirely to much. all accompanied by a 95 dollar reader (printed paper bound in green construction paper of 12 articles i'll probably never read) and online tests, meaning my participation in brain activity isnt necessary. so after the best class ever i have over an hour to wait for the worst class ever. talk about killing all anticipation. and for one final shot at ironic events, after this i will head straight to work, a mundane task to say the least in which it is part time and not geared towards capturing my utmost interest, followed by soccer practice where i get to play the game i love with some of the greatest people i know. strange how i can participate in so many things that reside on the opposite sides of my self actualization scale all in the same day. twice a week.
and that is where i leave you my friends. a great novel. even greater music. and a rant on self pity filled irony.
enjoy it or not i at least impressed that i typed this entire thing via treo palm pro. all hail the full qwerty keyboard.
in the words of arnold and his most memorable performance. 'ill be back'
lyndzzz
Monday, January 26, 2009
puppy trails.
i feel good. i hope brooklyn does too.
i set her up at a vet today. she got her second set of shots. an appointment for her third and info about nippin the ovaries. no little brooklyns roaming the street any time soon.
we. and by we i mean i. also bought her more food. more denta bones. a new toy (like akiylas that she keeps stealing, so she'll have her own) and a bright red leash and collar. sdsu colors of course. and just like her mama, baby looks good in red. oh and we got a doggy tag for her.
basically she's hooked up and my bank account is well hurtin.
anywhoo this was basically just an excuse for me to post aomething about my pride and joy and show the world my little monster.
she likes layin inbetween our legs...over an out
im still lyndzzz
Thursday, January 22, 2009
its like things have never changed
So I log onto this thing to talk a little about my first day of school and how its almost surreal thats its coming to an end, and upon first glance of my home page, my good friend steph (whom i'm devoutly blog following) has written about the same thing.
I've known this girl since like 1st grade. way back when we decided to make our own greeting card company called caragan and young card co. (yeah we lacked in catchy company titles at age 6) either way our plan, as far back as I can remember, was to go to school for advertising and work together. And hey, thus far we're on the right path. different universities but similar degrees and of course headin in the same career path with the same goals and objectives for our future. so 16 years later it's like nothing has changed between us except physical location
so come on steph! head to san d with me and lets get that card co. under way.
anyway. back to the original stint of this blog.
in the words of adam sandler in one of his well recognized role of billy madison "back to school. back to school. to prove to dad that im not a fool. i've got my lunch pack packed my boots tied tight, i hope i dont get in a fight. ooooh back to school."
Spring 09' well under way and I must say it's not gonna be half bad. So yeah im a super senior and i have to go 5 days a week starting at 8 am, but as i always like to remember, theres a positive in everything. My 8am professor may very well be the coolest professor i've ever had. Super funny, casual esk persona, and to the point. couldnt ask for more except an interesting subject. oh wait it has that too. sex in film and literature. so basically i have an awesome dude teaching me about porn for 16 weeks. lets just say after complaining about it being in the wee hours of the morning i'm a happy camper.
moving into the rest of my course load, turns out i have 3 classes with some good buddies of mine and ran into a bunch of my soccer girls throughout the day. so this is going to be a seemingly super semester. all alliteration aside.
as the first day of school was approaching i prepared as usual, printing out my class schedule and for you fellow san diego staters, my timetable format. yeah you know what i'm talkin about. as well as generating my degree evaluation to see where i stand as a student. it was crazy to see this time only having 2 red negative signs showing incomplete work in which i am currently enrolled in to fulfill. shit. 5 years have come and gone just like that. yeah 5 years. dont talk shit. thats average. either way i'll be entering this real world they've been telling me my whole life about. i dont know how i feel about being forced to grow up n such. hense why im stickin out another semester in the fall to play a little more soccer and postpone my adulthood a little longer. don't tell my father, but yes, i very well could have graduated this semester!
oh well. for now i'm really enjoying school and i want another national championship dammit!
signed sincerely
lindsay
I've known this girl since like 1st grade. way back when we decided to make our own greeting card company called caragan and young card co. (yeah we lacked in catchy company titles at age 6) either way our plan, as far back as I can remember, was to go to school for advertising and work together. And hey, thus far we're on the right path. different universities but similar degrees and of course headin in the same career path with the same goals and objectives for our future. so 16 years later it's like nothing has changed between us except physical location
so come on steph! head to san d with me and lets get that card co. under way.
anyway. back to the original stint of this blog.
in the words of adam sandler in one of his well recognized role of billy madison "back to school. back to school. to prove to dad that im not a fool. i've got my lunch pack packed my boots tied tight, i hope i dont get in a fight. ooooh back to school."
Spring 09' well under way and I must say it's not gonna be half bad. So yeah im a super senior and i have to go 5 days a week starting at 8 am, but as i always like to remember, theres a positive in everything. My 8am professor may very well be the coolest professor i've ever had. Super funny, casual esk persona, and to the point. couldnt ask for more except an interesting subject. oh wait it has that too. sex in film and literature. so basically i have an awesome dude teaching me about porn for 16 weeks. lets just say after complaining about it being in the wee hours of the morning i'm a happy camper.
moving into the rest of my course load, turns out i have 3 classes with some good buddies of mine and ran into a bunch of my soccer girls throughout the day. so this is going to be a seemingly super semester. all alliteration aside.
as the first day of school was approaching i prepared as usual, printing out my class schedule and for you fellow san diego staters, my timetable format. yeah you know what i'm talkin about. as well as generating my degree evaluation to see where i stand as a student. it was crazy to see this time only having 2 red negative signs showing incomplete work in which i am currently enrolled in to fulfill. shit. 5 years have come and gone just like that. yeah 5 years. dont talk shit. thats average. either way i'll be entering this real world they've been telling me my whole life about. i dont know how i feel about being forced to grow up n such. hense why im stickin out another semester in the fall to play a little more soccer and postpone my adulthood a little longer. don't tell my father, but yes, i very well could have graduated this semester!
oh well. for now i'm really enjoying school and i want another national championship dammit!
signed sincerely
lindsay
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