Learning Through Lyrics

California is a

state of great diversity. It’s also a state that has struggled to produce a strong public education system for many years. I currently hang my hat in America’s most sought out city—San Diego. But I hail from the small streets of Moreno Valley, California, a city with a population in the 200 thousands but an appeal of small town suburbs where everyone knows everyone and Starbucks is a brand new venture.

I grew up with Music as a major influence in my life. My uncle, brother and myself dabble in instruments and vinyl is a collectin

g habit of the Young family. My brother and I joined the band programs as young as elementary school and found it to be the link behind our social world, passion, creative thinking, and dedication. That being said, I wanted to take a closer look into the idea that Music has the potential to increase education and enhance learning.

Karl Glenn claimed music as one of the great art forms--one in which could mature creativity and enhance education (Glenn, 1992).

Just listening to music has the capability to enhance spatial task performance, design and procedure, and the study of music can

produce higher creative and learning functions (Shaw, Rauscher, & Ky, 1994).

Moreno Valley High School has the lowest academic performances of individuals (API) within Moreno Valley Unified School District.

entry 1. (origianlly posted 12 Jun 2007)

I think one of the hardest things to accomplish throughout a lifetime is truly accepting yourself for who you are. I'm not talking where you're from, what you look like or who you know. Not the music you like food you prefer or your favorite movie. I'm talking about how you make decisions, what you learn and how you justify your conclusions. What you think about your decisions or what other people do for that matter. What inside you determines how you will inevitably be perceived by others? I'm 21 years old and I still wake up every morning in a fog, thicker than an overcast dusk at the beach, a fog the continually forces me to ask questions and somehow find out the answers on my own. But what makes an answer right or wrong? Is it what I think is right or my superiors. But at this point in my life who is considered a superior. I mean professors could care less if I show up to class cause at the end of the day they still get paid, and well, managers value you as little as the satisfied customer leaving their store. Employee's are a dime a dozen really, they come and go as often as cars in a parking garage or good tv series. So what makes my opinion, my decisions, my actions matter except for what I think about them. Maybe it's the possibility that I could have the opportunity to teach a child one day, maybe my child. But then again another question arises, is what I'm teaching the right thing to be learned?
So I've decided life is full of unanswered questions, or shall I say, unanswerable questions, because in all honesty who's really to say what the right answers might be. Many will argue God, but we can all agree that's the most unanswered question amongst them all. Of course we all have something to believe in but in most cases it's different than that of our friends, family, peers and elders. We come to these conclusions on our own because we don't know any other way around it. Who's there to teach us another way when everyone around us is doing things for their own reasons, to satisfy their own beliefs or theories of how this world exists and how we all matter in it.
So how do you accept yourself for who you are when you can't really explain how you got that way in the first place? When the only answer you fall upon is 'just because.' Ideas, thoughts, theories, names, places or reasons pop into your head and the only basis you're mind can muster is what you've lived, witnessed or been taught by someone else who is or who has been in the same state of being. Life as we know it is a never-ending circle of questions, thoughts, experiences or lessons that somehow get passed on from generation to generation in the same fog that I wake up in every morning.
I talked on the phone to three or four different people today, swapping stories and making plans. I don't even like talking on the phone, but for some odd reason I dialed these numbers in hopes to learn something new about the person on the other end but most importantly about myself. You know what I learned? I realized that I tell people often I don't like being alone when in reality I have enjoyed nothing more than these few moments of piece. Of course I must agree that 1200 square feet is quite excessive for one person, but I've spent these moments reading, writing, thinking, organizing, everything that ends with ING. I've spent 21 years trying to figure out who I really am and whether I like that person or not. About 20 and a half years I've disappointed myself. I've picked all the wrong people to put my faith in. I chose the wrong sport to dedicate my life too. I haven't tried hard enough at school or let myself excel at the things I do best. I chose the wrong college. Who pays for school when they don't have too by turning down scholorships? For what? The weather. The closeness to home. The reason not to escape from it all, or trust in myself to become what people might be proud of. 20 and a half years not proud of myself. Is that healthy? I didn't think so either. I'm 21 now and my world has changed. Yeah I still wake up in a fog, I struggle with money, at school, I'm not a very good driver or very graceful on two feet. I'm still deathly afraid to fly or of what lurks 2000 leagues under the sea. I still have trouble putting faith in the right people or giving more and receiving less. I still haven't graduated or told every truth I could. So yeah I still have plenty of reasons to lose faith in myself. But I haven't. I gained a faith I never had before. I value the mistakes I've made. I've learned to ask for help and not to when I don't really need it. So I could be in better shape, I could pick a major and I could clean my room more often. But I don't and after all this time I'm ok with that!
I think one of the hardest things to accomplish throughout a lifetime is truly accepting yourself for who you are. Well this is who I am.
My favorite color has always been red even though I live, breath, eat, bleed Dodger Blue! My favorite food will probably always be mac n' cheese because it reminds me of my stomach against the hardwood floor sandwiched by my big brothers. I'll probably always laugh at things that most people think aren't funny because I truly believe laughter is the best medicine. I'll probably never regularly wear makeup or even figure out how to put it on myself anyways. I'll definitely always like the acoustic song on an album more than the rest. I'll always cry for no apparent reason just cause it feels good sometimes. I'll always let myself down but do my best not to let it show. I'll hope to get married soon to this boy, this boy I value more than myself. I hope to hold onto that love with everything I have, because Love is the greatest feeling to truly capture and I plan to only have it once.
So this is my story. You can read it and forget it. You can value it for merely an opinion or use it to base your own conclusions. But it's just a story. It's 2:43 am. I'm going to go to sleep in a few minutes and surely I'll wake up in a thick haze. I'll Call the love of my life and enjoy a bowl of fruit loops, take a warm shower and put on a hat I've already decided to wear mostly because I feel making small decisions for the next day gives me that extra boost to actually wake up in such a fog and challenge the day to another adventure.
I can't really tell you why I wrote this, and I honestly couldn't blame you if you didn't make it this far in reading it. But if you did you could at least say you know me a little better, and I think I like that. It's good to develop strong relationships not because of where you're from, what music you like, what food you prefer or your favorite movie. Yeah you guessed it, because of you really have become and if you've found to accept it. Good night. 'Gra Go Deo'

entry 2. (originally posted 20 Jun 2007)

I've decided the more time you spend alone the more you figure things out. I mean how often do you really sit there and think about your life and what you're doing in it. So here's my entry of things I've recently figured out about myself, where I've been and where I'm eventually headed.

I'm sitting here, another lonely night, watching "the last kiss," Zach Braff being a personal fav of mine and obviously the first thing I thought was how much I miss Jeremy. I've thought about all the relationships and friendships I've had and the few that actually mattered. I remember when we are all in middle school and high school when having the most friends made life better or fuller, if you will. But to be quite frank, that's shit. I've come to learn that it's ten times better to have a few great friendships and one true love. He's the person that I honestly could say I can't live without. Not a day an hour a moment goes by that I don't feel so full of life with him, or even thinking of him when he's away. My sense of security is at its utmost capacity and my heart doesn't have room for anyone else. So who cares how many friends I have or how many people I know, I have him and that's all that matters.

I've fallen into this remembrance of times that hurt so bad I felt like they couldn't get any worse. But I'm sure we've all been there before. People let people down and I've come to accept it. It's my fault really; I put too much time and effort into being there for others I couldn't truly expect to get it in return right. But through all this painstaking misery, through all those times I've cried so hard or stopped breathing for the few moments to let it all sink in I've gotten so much more in return. I've come to appreciate those who do put in as much as me more. I've seen the greater side of people I would have missed without the heartache.

I've never cried harder than I have these past few weeks. The second he walked out the door I felt as though my heart stopped beating. I thought I couldn't live without him and here I am on my own and ironically enough I've learned to live. I've learned to accept that people can love me as much as I do them. Like sometimes I feel like he can love me more with all that he's gotten me through. But obviously that's not possible I mean I've permanently tattooed my love for him on my skin. I've learned to have faith in life. Things hurt sometimes, they can fucking hurt so bad you don't want to get out of bed but that's what makes you who you are right? It's the reasons, the places, and the people that pull you out of bed in the morning that make life worth living.

So here I am alone again and I'm okay with it. Yeah I cried tonight watching this movie about a guy cheating on his pregnant girlfriend because he's scared to realize that this may just be how his life is supposed to end up. Man was I a little bit of both characters. I'm the girlfriend in that I can't wait to settle down with my one true love. I've put my whole world into the single most important thing in my life and if anything were to jeopardize this bliss it would all come crashing down before my eyes. I'm the boyfriend in that I'm constantly terrified if this is how my life is supposed to be. Have I made all the right choices and God forbid could I have done better? How do you know? How can you honestly not be scared that how you end up might be because you fucked up along the way? I constantly fear I haven't become the person I was planned out to be. But what do you do? I guess that's the most important lesson I've learned through all this thought. Even if I haven't become the person I was supposed to be I've created this life on my own so I guess, as contradictory as it sounds, I actually have become who I'm supposed to be. I've grown and yeah I've messed up, I've messed up pretty bad, but I've learned. And even though it's not all perfect life's not supposed to be right? I'm gonna have to end this with the lyrics to one of my all time favorite songs.

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
Its all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

Entry 3. (originally posted 1 Jul 2007)

trust. faith. hope. love. happiness.

The things we all spend our whole lives searching for and very few of us capture their essence.

I used to trust everything and everyone. I used to trust myself. but as I grow with all the challenges I've faced I no longer am strong enough to put my faith in someone else let alone myself. So many people have let me down. I let myself down almost every day. I didn't do this, try that, or accoplish what I set out to do. How can I trust other people not to let me down when I can't even trust myself right?

I have faith that things will eventually turn out the way they were planned. I've learned to take things as they come and live life day by day. I've always made such big plans, I used to have my whole life set. yet with time and struggle came failure. I don't take failure to well. I no longer make plans on how to live or what to acheive. I plan to live and thats all. I put faith in small things because I then don't let myself down as much. I have faith the dodgers will win the world series. and i have alot of time to see that happen. I have faith in my relationship with the most perfect boy in the world. and I plan to be with him forever. And i have faith that i will one day be successful I just stopped planning how that was going to happen.

I hope I learn enough to make life easier on myself. It's tough living in constant struggle but it's easy to hope for the best. I hope every day to meet the person or people that can change my life.
And I believe I've come across a few of those people.
I hope i've changed someone else's life. I hope i've made my parents proud and set an example for others.

I love life. The sense of being alive, sharing it with others, learning who I am and who I might become. I love, love! the greatest feeling is knowing you have someone there to support you in all of your decisions. someone to pick you up when you fall and raise you higher when your off the ground. I love the relationships you can build with others to where you can learn to trust them.

and here we are at the beginning again. when you hope to love, you can love, and when you love you can trust and when you can trust I have faith you can be Happy.

Theres my thoughts for tonight.

I miss you my love, with every second that passes i feel more alone than ever. You are my world and I can;t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.


-lindsay

Tucson, My hell on earth (originally posted 29 Oct 2007)

Have you ever felt like your life was finally turning around for the best. Like all the things you've spent sooo long trying to figure out we're really coming together. and if you've ever felt this, this overwhelming feeling of content has it been stripped from you in an instant.

I Have.

This friday afternoon I was actually have a conversation with great friends on how deep i was in this hole of mine but because of them, because of my amazing boyfriend, roommate, team, family, car I had gotten myself out and truly felt happy. My hole had turned into a ditch if you will, so yeah, i might tripp and fall in but not deep enough to be where i've been not so long ago.

This conversation actually took place moments before the worst moment of my life.

So im driving to tucson arizona with some on the best people I know in the car with me. Im on the phone with my best friend spittin vegas vacation jokes before we enter yuma arizona and Literally speaking the words "I love My life!" when a semi truck runs me off the road and my heart stops. we land in a ditch, oddly enough, on the roof of my car and i honestly cant breath, cant think, cant bare to know how the people sitting next to me are.

Have you ever had your life flash before you eyes. I have the first time I flipped my car off the freeway. But this time I had the lives of others flash. this time my world almost ended on the account of others well being. I never thought i could be responsible for someone I care so much about. I never knew what it felt like to lose someone with a blink of an eye. It's indescribable really and something I'm not sure i'll ever be able to overcome.

We're all fine! thank God. again I have survived what has brought an end to so many.
yet it's 3 days later and my heart still skips beats, my eyes dont close tight enough when
Sleep, i cant breath deep, or look in their eyes and not die inside. I could care less
about my most prized posession lying upside down in the dirt ditch that has
metaphorically become my deep hole again.

I couldn't be more thankful for whatever up there has gotten me through another catastrophic event. I couldn't have more faith in life for salvaging the lives of those three amazing girls. I couldn't appreciate more the people around me that have put forth the effort to get me out of this mental state. and yet i cant breath deep, close my eyes tight, or look in their eyes and not absolutely fall to pieces. how do you escape this. I'm not sure you can tell me how.

This life. this crazy life has not ceased to amaze me. scare me. break me. so please bare with me because i've yet to believe in me.

To those of you affected by this. I'm sorry. I'm as sorry as I'll ever be. and I want you to know. to really know that I would never intentionally do anything that could possibly hurt you. and im trying so hard to break myself of this. this overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself. I love you and I'll never leave your sight
without reminding you of that.

lyndz <3

originally posted 02 May 2008

aw, well what to say tonight. another lonely night at an odd hour of the morning. actually according to my cable box it just struck 2 am which would make it an even hour of the morning. haha told you i make myself laugh more than anyone else.

so i'm listening to mandy moore, the spill canvas, and flyleaf mix. it's kind of a blissful time for me. aside from the fact that i'm struggling through writing this paper due tomorrow. I have to try to put myself in the shoes of someone who actually experienced the holocaust. seriously though how am I supposed to do that. I cannot fathom the words descriptive enough of how icredibly terrible that entire situation played out to be. so i've decided to tell my teacher those words exactly and take the time to mention how much my eyes have been opened and my heart strengthened towards people. as if I didnt already care about people enough as it is.

so we got our dream house. WOW i can't believe for once i may actually love where i live. my room, my roommates (not that i don't love my current roommate, because i do, she's one special girl) but the whole thought of my upcoming nuptuals excites me like christmas eve. maybe thats why i cant sleep. seriously though 4 bed 2 bath, the fourth bedroom transformed into entertainment city so we can throw kickin parties with pita spinnin and me continuing to dominate in wii tennis. thats right DOMINATE. in the heart of north park. how sick is that. i know, its ok to be jealous. i would be... but im not, cuz its me hahaha not to rub it in.

so i bought a bike this week. and it rules. i havent ridin it yet, how sad is that? but i am tomorrow. seriously i got my bike lock today so i can protect my awesome property. i picked out my outfit for tomorrow and set my alarm a little earlier so i can ride to the trolly and cruise the campus tomorrow on my sweet wheels. im pretty stoked.

still awaiting a call from the job of my dreams. i have until may 12 to freak out over whether they want me in for an interview or not. how stressful right. but im trying not to think about that considering im already stressed about my grade of the goddamn GSP. eff that test man. i should get my score next week and well you'll all find out how that fares at that time. hopefully well, but whos to say with how lame grammar is. and now that im talking about grammar please dont go through and correct any of my mistakes in this or any of my myspace writings that is. cuz well that would be lame and i wouldnt like you anymore if you did.

well i guess thats all for now. back to my paper and hopefully dream town by 3 am. an odd hour of the night. ha!

peace love and happiness. please!

lindsay

another blast from the past (originally posted 18 Jun 2008)

so this is really random of me i suppose but i just got in the mood to tell ya'll some random shizz about myself. don't ask me why because i would have nothing to tell you. i just plain feel like it.

maybe its just because i like to write. and i like myself. so why not write about myself. haha

anywhoo. lets start with this. i have a black tea, unstweetened with no water (yeah i like it strong) almost every morning. and sometimes i get it for like 50 cents. aww to have friends in high places. and yes i think the people that provide me with the caffeine stricken beverage that gets me through my day are in high places.

I have fallen in love with my car. yeah it took me a while because well if you know me you know it wasnt a car i really chose to purchase. wanna know what im talking about. here's a quick rundown. i used to have a big truck. aww my love. then gas jumped up to like 3 dollars at the time which seemed outrageous. funny how things turned out. well with 2 jobs and school blah blah blah i was driving way to much to have a gas guzzler. traded the puppy in for a scion tc. my one true love. ran off the road by a semi- most traumatizing day of my life that still haunts my dreams (see photos in soccer shinanigans album). anywhoo then purchased this little devil on the whim of a slight employee discount my daddy gets. turns out it was the best car i could be driving while exxon mobil continues to make drivers bend over and take it up the tail pipe. well long story short on that one i've really grown to love howard "howie" the sweet civ-ee who gets me from point a to point b in what i like to see as true san diego style. windows down music blazin, bike rack in tow. im starting to enjoy driving again.

ok so the past few weeks have shown me that i truly love to be busy. even if it is working to much for not enough if you know what im saying. but honestly its moments like this (home alone with jack to do) that i'm a little on the unhappy side. i just want to do something. more than spit shit with the cyber world. ya dig. i like to work. what the fuck. did i just say that. shit. i did. but i do. mostly because i've met my best friends at jobs especially my current occupance at the container store. i have found that you can truly be yourself around the people that work there and because of that i have made friends like never before. so i dont mind working every day. i dunno mayb e its the a-d-h-d in me that i always need to be moving. and work is a perfect solution.

well moving on i'm bored with that subject. so here's a distinct quality. i love color. as a matter of fact im not a big fan of wearing black without at least adding a little colorful flare. you know. and on that note i guess i'll express my love for ridiculous shoes. like i just bought these shoes. they're high-tops. black and white with silver around the laces, and for the best part a pink lightning bolt. fuck yeah dude. a hot pink lightning bolt. and i'm currently in the market for these nikes. accented with black demin lime green and hot pink. ska-dooosh.

my new addition to the color scheme is rad sunglasses. i used to only wear brand name shades. then i decided that was lame. with exception to the oakleys and von zip's i still own and rock hard. but cheap ass random colored specs. thats what i'm talkin about.

so i walked into work the other day, not going to work, just pickin some stuff up with my killer discount and everyone threw a peace sign at me. did i forget to mention im your average day hippie. v-necks, vests, flip flops/vans classics and some tore up jeans. my outfit of choice. so im super casual. can you blame me. its flippen comfortable. i do have a thing for shirts that show off the boobies though. not that i'm trying to pick up anyone. just like to show off one of my best assets bahhhhh.

lets see. i like. lightning bolts. my bike (cruuuuiser). full house. indie flicks. funk. yeah i said it. funk. not the smell huh. video games. especially wiiiiiiiii. soccer. the sun. 80 degrees or hotter please. big goofy looking sharks (see video in my comments). the word oscillating. its fun to say. pickles. pizza. possibly in the same meal. writing. muuuuusak. periods. no not the menstual cycle. the punctuation piont. but im sure you could have figured that one out.

right now my favorite thing to do is drink with pita and spit stupid shit until we fall to the floor laughing. actually turns out we dont even need to drink. if theres a snake involved its fuckin high-larious.

i love amanda bynes. or at least her show what i like about you. seriously. watch it, its fliipen awesome. i like writing on this blog and then checking to see if anyone has read it. even though i have no idea who those people might be. i like to think i could be friends with people on reality tv shows. haha yeah im fooled by them, scripted or not, that the people on them are really being themselves. i get to the point where i feel like i know em. haha lame i know. but dont act like you dont too. like bri on the real world. what a dumbass. i dont think we'd hit it off. but brittany from a shot at love 2. yeah we'd be homies fo sho. ha i'm trying to make it to an event shes hosting on friday so if your in to go let me know hahahaha. man i make myself laugh sometimes on being so pathetic. but whatever you can never have enough friends right so i mine as well try to make some with strangers. whatever dont judge me i dont judge you.

well. ive decided to mkae something to eat right now. so ill come back to this later.

until then i hope you were entertained.

- im still lindsay.

Oldie but goodie (originally posted 22 Jun 2008)

hello again.

so its after one in the morning and of course i'm not sleeping. you see i have this thing called insomnia. or maybe im nocturnal. ooor maybe its because i slept till noon today. or yesterday, shall i say.

either way i was compelled to write whats racing through this intricate mind of mine. see what happens when im home alone. turn on the tunes and contimplate the life im living.

this time i have come to the conclusion that no matter how grounded i thought i was, i really have no idea who i really am. i mean my sense of fashion and taste in music hasnt changed much over the years, i'm still friends with pretty much everyone i grew up with and i think i know where i'm headed. so where did this conclusion derive from?

i know. good question, right? every day i am confronted with questions i cant seem to answer. of course theres the obvious like do you want to have kids? or are you ready to get married? well of course i cant answer those i'm 22 with the mind of a 12 year old (exaggerating a bit of course) im not ready to answer those questions.

on the other hand theres situations like why do i cling on to relationships where the other person doesnt put in nearly as much effort as i do and sometimes dismiss the ones that do. or on another note why is it so difficult for me to put my faith in someone. maybe its because of the many broken hearts i have endured. but that all leads back to the initial problem of picking the wrong people in the first place.

you know i dont really have a "best" friend. if that even exists. but you know that one person to share my deepest secrets with. yeah, thats right, i have deep secrets. i mean theres always my boo who i can tell almost everything but we all know theres that line you cant cross with the bffff. thats boyfriend pronounced buh-fffff. and theres my bro's. my real best friends.

yet i still dont have that one person significantly labeled a bestie or bff. no not pronounced buh-fff but an acronym for best friend forever. haha. maybe its because i cant really find that person without truly defining who i am first.

man this is getting pretty heavy.

so i guess i'll continue to try to heal this despairing heart of mine by myself even though i could probably use a little help. if your interested im taking applications. haha.

you know there is one thing i truly know about myself. and i actually kind of pride myself on it. i'm a really good friend. no fuck that i'm a great friend. i always put others before myself even if it falls on the unhealthy side. and oddly enough im always there for the rough stuff even though i cant even get close to fixing my broken pieces. kinda like bri from the real world. that bitch is always giving advice even though her life is the most fucked up. you know except im less of a dumbass and definitely not a stripper haha. i honestly just love to see other people smile especially if i threw it on em'.

either way i've got alot of stuff to work out. join me...won't you!

well i guess thats all for now. just a snippet into my world, if you will.

until we speak again

- i'm still lindsay

patience

a virtue that I lack.

lately I have been confronted with situations that have thus made me realize that I need to slow down and take life for what it is sometimes. I dont always need things right now, or a certain way. I dont need to expect so much out of people or from myself for that matter.

I feel like I almost lost a friend last night. a petty fight, if you could call it that, struck out of my own inability to be patient with the differences in human beings. I didn't understand my "best friends" reasoning for her recent actions and, as usual, jumped to my typical 'always thinking the worst' conclusions that something was wrong, she was mad, it was my fault fiasco.

Fiasco. i continually turn my own life into a self-stricken fiasco. Why the fuck would I do that to myself is the real question at heart.

patience. a virtue that I lack.

I feel if i brought more patience into my life I could easily avoid these petty situations of self-doubt and possible loss. I could sit back and think about my actions before acting upon my thoughts. I could place myself in the other persons shoes and then find it easier to understand why (back to my previous story) she would act the way she does.

really it has nothing to do with me. but do i understand that. of course I could type that. i could say it out loud a million times. but do i believe it. do i understand it. of course not. thats my biggest problem. I've got a therapists dream list of problems to work out, but if i were to pick out the one that is the spark to the flame it would be that one. it has nothing to do with me... and i need to believe that.

I have a laundry list of lost friends for no apparent reason. some who mattered less than others, but some who were with me during some of my most life transitioning times, some i 'believed' would be there forever and for everything. but notice the past tense on believe. because they are not there and as far as im concerned they never were. so now that I do have a person in my life that will be there, that has been there, and has shown that she's not going anywhere i walk on what i like to refer to as--eggshells.

fuckin eggshells. so far i've been anything but a good judge of character seeing as i've put my heart and soul into these friendships and have, as previously noted, lost every last one of them. so i continuously think that the common denominator in each of those freindships was of course myself. so it has to be my fault somewhere along the line right?... wrong.... maybe a little right. see I can't even type that its not always my fault because saying it and believing it are two different things.

so here I am talking myself in circles over what may not really make much sense in the first place when all i really wanted to note was I lack patience. and at first intention i was referring to my necessity for things to be instantaneous. like explanations, new shoes, grades, cars, fights and resolutions... the list goes on.

but here i am... again a lost soul with a list of problems. we all have problems though right? so ill move on, wake up tomorrow morning to another beautiful san diego day. kiss the love of my life on the forehead and feed my puppy before i head off to another perfectly scheduled day of , work and chores 'patiently' await the arrival of a roommate/bestie, hope she'll text me a random comment because she wants to share something with me, type up another one of these (because i have set a goal for myself to write more as a personal therapy) and head to bed for another day of self-stricken fiasco.

until we speak again,

i'm still the fucked up version of my formal self

lindsay.

i miss you daddy. every day with everything i have. dodgers are having a good season ;)

It's been a very long time ladies and gentlemen, so lets do this quick and dirty style shall we.

1. so boo-skee and i lives in a studio for a wopping 3 months and hated every minute of it. not only did it suck waking up at the buck fuck of dawn having to take brooklyn on a walk to do the... you know... necessities of life. But if it wasnt for poopy duty we'd have to move our cars out of illegal parking situations because the night before after arriving home from a long strenuous day at work not a spot was available remotely close to our complex. Lets see, what else. no garbage disposal. no space. tiny bathroom. the list continues. so what did we do about this unsatifying situation. we moved. again. thats right im officially in my 6th household of 5 years living down here in the most sought out city in the country. But let me tell you this location was totally worth it. we did have to break a lease and find a new tenant, but all struggles aside back to it being totally worth it. i do live in what could quite possibly be the most crowded household in san diego, but so far its been a blasty . 8 people 4 bedrooms, 2 randoms from craigslist who turned out to be ridiculously awesome dudes. not to mention the loves of my life (puppy and boo) and my best friend. So yeah its a little crowded and we have to sweep and do the dishes just about every other second, but I dont think I'd trade it for the world.

2. My last semester is under way and I must say its a little surreal. it just doesnt seem that 5 years ago i was a little freshy in the dorms scared as hell to meet new people and enter that 'real world' everyone had been spoon feeding me for the previous 18 years. i only have 2 classes so thats pretty awesome stress wise except for the fact that i dont really feel like a student at all and i kinda love being a student. the long campus walks with my ear buds rocking killer tunes runnin into teammates and grabbin peabodys organic iced coffee for 2 hour lectures. man... im gonna miss that. but im still pretty excited for what the world is gonna bring.

3. speaking of gifts from the world i just got accepted as an intern for a dream job. its with StayClassy.org which is a social media networking site that is used as a link between charities and event planners where planners make a little money and give back a crap load of money. its an awesome company and program and im incredibly excited about it.

well i guess thats all I have for now. quickie update on the freakishly dynamic life i live that is threateningly busy now a days so if i go another couple months without an update please forgive me for my lack of time management skills.

until we speak again.

im still lindsay.

agh. the semester from hell

so i havent written a ton this semester mostly because well, all things that could go wrong...have!

starting in the beginning of the semester and some of you may be aware, my dad passed away unexpectedly. that sentence has been the first time i've been quasi comfortable writing that down. My daddy was...is, the most important man in my life and losing him has takin every ounce of strength in my lungs to just continue breathing...

i already need to stop writing about that because it's still so sudden. maybe some day i can find the words to express the man he was and the man he will forever remain in my heart and mind.

so let's just start off by saying this semeter started on what you could say, the wrong side of the bed.

this year i decided to take on the president role of sport clubs which posed to be way more work than i anticipated. we're talkin paperwork issues with 500+ athletes, weekly meetings with agendas, trying to compose a major sponsorship letter and finding contacts to send it too, organizing and planning a banquet for the entire program. and at the same time keeping up with my own team shit, like making sure our paperwork is correct and up to date, getting us 1600 bucks out of debt, writing awards nominations, budgeting for next season with major transactions like uniforms and equipment, powerpoint presentations requesting 10,000 bucks, training new girls to take over in the future, and trying to do all this with a crooked mind.

then theres school. 4 classes, one with 14 books to read cover to cover, 10 page papers left and right, tests, discussion board posts, ridiculos assignments for one class imparticular EVERY WEEK and trying to squeeze in some sleep.

and finally...work! closing fridays, opening saturdays, closing sundays. WTF kinda schedule is that. second job working tuesday thursdays during the 5 hours i have available between class and practice.

so after this 'pity me' rant, i really just wanted to give an explanation of why i set aside the one thing I love the most...writing.

not only has my head been a jumbling mess with my dad and trying to stay strong and supportive for my mom, but this semester has been nuts.

oh did i mention we're moving this week. haha. it will be the most unconventional move of my life (not packing much just taking stuff as is) but it definitely couldnt have come at a worse time. yesterday and today haveing to work 1-5/6ish then headed to the school for presentations till 11 pm, bustin an all nighter tomorrow to rock a 10 pager in one night, just to have class at 8am till 12 thursday and then try to move everything by friday at 3 when i have to work. whew. im tired just writing about it.

on another note, i joined the twilight craze, mostly because i was very dissapointed with the movie and had to give the hype justice by reading the book. amazing. that stephanie meyer sure has a way with words, and now i completely understand the craze. then again i'm no edward obsessor as most girls infatuated with the story, i just really enjoy the book .

oh and my bros just took me to a COLD concert for my birthday that was amazing. scooter ward is a lyrical genius and a musical marter.

other than that pathetic rant to my life story for the past few months, im really looking forward to liveng in a place with a ceiling fan, seeing grease with my mom and best friend on stage for my bday and mothers day, school out for the summer in 2 weeks or less, the pet shop opening that i get to work at, and the DODGERS KICKIN MAJOR ASS TO START THE SEASON. no mistake in all caps. thats an all caps statement.

until i get the moment to write again

im still lindsay

killing yourself to live

I would like to start by informing you that I am typing this via my phone so please excuse any typographical errors because im just not that concerned to re read and edit a blog written on a 2 inch screen.

so im reading this book by chuck klosterman who I have decidedly labeled my hero. I fell in love with his writing after my first encounter with sex drugs and cocoa puffs. (again please disregard punctuation abandonment as well) ANYWHOO. this book I have become utterly obsessed with is killing youself to live. a story of chuck himself traveling across america to visit places in which rock greats have deceased. seems strange to say the least but his writing is incredibly infatuating. I have yet to read a book I feel incapable of putting down that makes me laugh out loud and want to write my own novel about the same random, irrational and utterly meaningless to everyone but myself life experiences. until now. I encourage everyone to check this book out. and while your at it sex drugs and cocoa puffs is a good read as well.

other than my literary infatuation, music has taken a huge interest in my current life as usual. im excited to share that I got the spill canvas scraps lp in the mail yesterday and its amazing. nothing sounds better than your favorite band on vinyl. not only is 'no really, im fine' another irresistible album from the lyrical master himself, nick thomas but it has a second album with a live song two acoustics and 5 unreleased tracks. I didn't think I could fall more in love with this band. oh. but I did. not to mention that i ordered two. one purely for listening pleasure and the other in hopes of getting the vinyl signed by the band and framing it as a art piece that will go down in the history of music greats. in my mind that is.

I also ordered la rocca's 'the truth' on vinyl. listen to this record. I urge you. it will change your life. I got a confirmation email that it has been sent and it made my day. not only because of my excitement to listen to this album on vinyl with all its packaging perks of artistic value, but the email told me to 'rejoice!' because its in the mail and what my 'friggin' tracking number was. in those words. which I found to be humorous and rekindled my admiration of people with a sense of humor. touche shockhound.

ANYWHOO. so i come to you via 2 inch phone screen because I am currently sitting in what i like to call educational hell. which brings me to the irony of my tuesday thursday schedule. my 8am class is quite possibly the best class i have ever taken in this 5 plus year college career of mine. i could be gravely mistaken seeing as it's only the third week of school and the first week consisted of one day in which i recieved an overview of the syllabus. but either way maybe thats what makes this class so great. the fact that i have decided in such a miniscule amount of time that it is the best class i have ever taken. you see the irony in this is that it is at 8 oclock in the morning which we all know is a higher being commonly reffered to as god taking a shit on students sleeping patterns. to continue the irony of the day i have an hour and 45 minute break between what i socall consider my favorite class and the class i currently reside in previously noted as educational hell. an hour and 15 minutes of redundant lecturing by a guy that enjoys the sound of his own voice entirely to much. all accompanied by a 95 dollar reader (printed paper bound in green construction paper of 12 articles i'll probably never read) and online tests, meaning my participation in brain activity isnt necessary. so after the best class ever i have over an hour to wait for the worst class ever. talk about killing all anticipation. and for one final shot at ironic events, after this i will head straight to work, a mundane task to say the least in which it is part time and not geared towards capturing my utmost interest, followed by soccer practice where i get to play the game i love with some of the greatest people i know. strange how i can participate in so many things that reside on the opposite sides of my self actualization scale all in the same day. twice a week.

and that is where i leave you my friends. a great novel. even greater music. and a rant on self pity filled irony.

enjoy it or not i at least impressed that i typed this entire thing via treo palm pro. all hail the full qwerty keyboard.

in the words of arnold and his most memorable performance. 'ill be back'

lyndzzz

puppy trails.

i feel good. i hope brooklyn does too.

i set her up at a vet today. she got her second set of shots. an appointment for her third and info about nippin the ovaries. no little brooklyns roaming the street any time soon.

we. and by we i mean i. also bought her more food. more denta bones. a new toy (like akiylas that she keeps stealing, so she'll have her own) and a bright red leash and collar. sdsu colors of course. and just like her mama, baby looks good in red. oh and we got a doggy tag for her.

basically she's hooked up and my bank account is well hurtin.

anywhoo this was basically just an excuse for me to post aomething about my pride and joy and show the world my little monster.

she likes layin inbetween our legs...

over an out

im still lyndzzz

its like things have never changed

So I log onto this thing to talk a little about my first day of school and how its almost surreal thats its coming to an end, and upon first glance of my home page, my good friend steph (whom i'm devoutly blog following) has written about the same thing.

I've known this girl since like 1st grade. way back when we decided to make our own greeting card company called caragan and young card co. (yeah we lacked in catchy company titles at age 6) either way our plan, as far back as I can remember, was to go to school for advertising and work together. And hey, thus far we're on the right path. different universities but similar degrees and of course headin in the same career path with the same goals and objectives for our future. so 16 years later it's like nothing has changed between us except physical location

so come on steph! head to san d with me and lets get that card co. under way.

anyway. back to the original stint of this blog.

in the words of adam sandler in one of his well recognized role of billy madison "back to school. back to school. to prove to dad that im not a fool. i've got my lunch pack packed my boots tied tight, i hope i dont get in a fight. ooooh back to school."

Spring 09' well under way and I must say it's not gonna be half bad. So yeah im a super senior and i have to go 5 days a week starting at 8 am, but as i always like to remember, theres a positive in everything. My 8am professor may very well be the coolest professor i've ever had. Super funny, casual esk persona, and to the point. couldnt ask for more except an interesting subject. oh wait it has that too. sex in film and literature. so basically i have an awesome dude teaching me about porn for 16 weeks. lets just say after complaining about it being in the wee hours of the morning i'm a happy camper.

moving into the rest of my course load, turns out i have 3 classes with some good buddies of mine and ran into a bunch of my soccer girls throughout the day. so this is going to be a seemingly super semester. all alliteration aside.

as the first day of school was approaching i prepared as usual, printing out my class schedule and for you fellow san diego staters, my timetable format. yeah you know what i'm talkin about. as well as generating my degree evaluation to see where i stand as a student. it was crazy to see this time only having 2 red negative signs showing incomplete work in which i am currently enrolled in to fulfill. shit. 5 years have come and gone just like that. yeah 5 years. dont talk shit. thats average. either way i'll be entering this real world they've been telling me my whole life about. i dont know how i feel about being forced to grow up n such. hense why im stickin out another semester in the fall to play a little more soccer and postpone my adulthood a little longer. don't tell my father, but yes, i very well could have graduated this semester!

oh well. for now i'm really enjoying school and i want another national championship dammit!

signed sincerely

lindsay

so i havent written in a while. i mean ive written. i write something every day, whether it be a bajillion texts or a random thought i try to write something every day. something that makes me think about something else persay... or something to look back on and laugh about.

so anyway. i havent written on here in a while. and well heres why. we just got internet back for one. i mean i had internet in my room every so often that i strategically stole from the neighbor. and by strategically i mean placing my computer as close to the window as possible to reach a wireless signal.

ok ok so thats a poor excuse for the writing enthusiast i am to take such a long break from writing. especially since life has been chaos. I will warn you before you endure the painstaking minutes it may take to read this entire piece. this will be the blog that looks back on the past few weeks of absence and forward to the next couple weeks of excitement.

school just ended for the winter break, and let me tell you, the fall semester is always my favorite. why? soccer. duuuh. now this season was a rollercoaster. not only did i but heads with my coach like every opportunity we had too but we won so many games we shouldnt have and struggled more than you would believe only to finish with another successful run. it was so strange. we barely made it out of regionals this year, and im talkin about a team that won nationals in 06 and came in second last year. and this years roster was soooo much better than 06 its unreal. or at least i think so. so for us to struggle like that is well, may i repeat... strange. we went to pk's twice in regionals alone and lost two major games in golden goal overtime. dont know what that is. well lets just say it blows. anywhoo to make a long story short we came in like fifth this year losing in quarterfinals against penn state. one of the most painstaking moments i have ever endured really. i made a mistake. i lost a little faith in my defense a second to early and suffered the consequences of a loss. now dont get me wrong it wasnt entirely my fault, as it was no ones imparticular but i wanted and tried so intently to do everything within my power to win. and win. and win. for cassidy. because i knew the second we lost her career would be over (graduating) and well to be completely honest not only is she one of my best friends but I have never played with someone as great as her. yeah. great. not the best adjective ever but its all i have at the moment.

you see with cassidy i have spent the greatest moment in my life thus far. i mean i've had some pretty awesome moments. but with her i have shared the moment that we both worked our entire lives for and that alone trumps any other moment. 18 years of practice. 18 years of failures and successes. all highlighted in one moment. one moment of greatness. and the best thing about it. not only sharing it with my best friend is that i have it captured in a photo. how many people can say that they have the best moment in their life in a frame on their wall. i can. and i couldnt feel luckier to be able to relive that moment with every glance. and its moments like this one that i have spent with cass that completely changed the person i became on and off the soccer field this season. I no longer played the game for myself. i saw this favorite pastime of hers and mine fade away, i saw her try to grasp every second of it knowing that it would all be over with the blink of an eye. and that look on her face inspired me to fight through the struggles we had this season. and although we ended short of a national championship. short of another moment to revel in for the rest of our lives i have become a better person because of the one great season and the mediocre one full of struggle and defeat. i have learned that sometimes taking the time to better myself can impact those around me. even if it means just playing harder to win one more game for a close friend holding on to the game we love. i also learned, and you may not have grasped it yet with my focus on winning thus far, but winning games isn't what this experience is all about. its about making friends with the people that will inevitably change your life. becoming a role model to those that will follow in your foot steps and creating moments that fulfill the empty space in our hearts.

this season was great! no we didnt win anything special.and yes we had our moments of despair. but this season posed as one of the most memorable seasons of my life. we grasped each moment as if it was our last and because of that we highlighted each night as the best night we have all spent with each other. not only that but the young ones this year brought something more than the kiddies have ever taught me before. their carefree spirit and eagerness to learn and develop relationships with me was inspiring to be kinder. to care more for others well being, to take care of them which would in turn take care of me. I've fought endless internal battles and yet as i took these girls under my wing and gave them the tips to do things differently than i did. to enjoy it more and avoid the things that would tear them up later. those were lessons that i took in for myself as well, and for that have become a better person. one little freshy is the spitting image of myself 5 years ago. same dorms, long distance relationship, homesick, big dreams and almost enough drive to see them through. its surreal really. to see yourself in someone else like that. now I truly believe in the statement i wish i knew then what i know now. and because of that i will continue to guide her the best that i can.

so yeah, this wasnt the best season of my life, and it wasnt the most successful this team has ever seen, but I can guarentee i will never forget it.

ok. so i drafted this post and came back to it weeks later. sorry. im having a bit of writers block lately... so lets move on to what has happened since

first boo bought me the pup of my dreams for christmas. ha. he could have gone about it a little better, you know asking my 3 roommates what they thought about having a puppy (sorry guys) but so far everything has turned out great and well shes my little bundle of joy. theres my little bugger ------>
she is well. perfect. you know only i would say that. oh yeah and guess who came with her. BOO! no not like what people withwhite sheets draped around them would say. Jeremy patrick Bamsey. you know the love of my life. yup its true world. he's finally here. and well i have enjoyed every minute of it thus far. im sure we'll have our tiffs now and then but thats what i bought him xbox 360 for haha. keeps him busy.

anywhoo, so that was no phenominal ending to what started out as a fetching blog but i need to take a nap before truck tonight sooooo

until we speak again

im still lindsay

oh yeah

WELCOME TO OFFICE OBAMA!

i do not recall this lecture!?!

So all this prop 8 battling going on via myspace, facebook, youtube, whatever should probably start to fade out considering whats done is done.


We are all aware of who was for and against gay marriage. and it was pretty damn close if you ask me, so i wouldn't go off rallying that "california has spoken" considering there was no overwhelming landslide.


I personally voted no on prop 8 for the mere fact that sanctity in marriage doesn't even exist in the first place. Please don't try to argue with me that it does because I'll most likely disagree and nothing will be solved.


What's my argument you ask?

- a projected 40-50% of american marriages will end in divorce

- 11% of the adult population is currently divorced.


- 25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime.


- Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, and much higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience.


(aren't these the "conservative Christians" that continuously preach to me and everyone about the "sanctity" in marriage that will be tainted if a man has the right to marry a man? ironic?)

although most dictionaries will define marriage as the legal union between a a man and a woman who establish their decision to live as husband and wife, the way I see it, it's a social institution that is very flawed to say the least.


the truer definition behind marriage, in my eyes, is two people sharing love for each other and signifying that commitment through ceremony.
someone please tell me how gay marriage depletes the sanctity in that??

i'm sure i'll receive a whole crap load of bible mumbo jumbo to this because homosexuality isn't accepted by god and what the fuck ever. so thats your argument. that the sanctity in marriage is that it is a religious ceremony recognized by god, right?? you mean the only person that can judge other people ("only god can judge me") well unless one of these easter's holds true and he comes back to earth and tells me otherwise i'm here to believe that no one here can judge anyone else and "god's" not really here to tell you otherwise.


marriage is a damn piece of paper recognized by the state. isnt there a separation between church and state. so if your argument is religion based you can sit on it cuz there's my rebuttal.


the biggest issue i have here is everyone, so clearly, voted for "change" but is so goddamn afraid of it. the hypocrisy is ridiculous really. don't celebrate obama's victory to me and then be afraid to accept something new, something different, something that will probably only bring good to this social institution we like to call marriage anyway.


whew. theres my venting for you. like I said. take it for what it is.


and for the record, im not judging my friends or family that feel differently on the subject than me. I dont really choose the people I love purely on their social and political beliefs.
my thoughts on it are to leave it alone, or you might lose some friends in the process,

and like I said. whats done is done. and to all my gay friends, I'll fly to massachusettes to witness something much more pure than the "sanctity" in marriage.


it's love baby. its all about love.
why can't we just leave it at that?

oh and one more thing.


when you were a kid, when the fuck did they teach you about marriage?? i do not recall this lecture!

church and state. keep that line of separation folks.


until we speak again

i'm still lyndzzz

his shirt was tucked into what???

So this is my random blog about the recent festivities. ill satrt with my trip to washington mutual.

I was quite aware that north park was full of eccentric people, to say the least, when I moved here, but this was a visit to the bank way out of the ordinary. first i was uber excited over the ideal parking spot i managed on 30th street, not the most parking friendly street in san diego. anywhoo all excitement aside i walk into this wretched place that controls my money. i say it like that because i like to push my inability to manage my own money that turns into hundreds of dollars of overwithdrawl fees frustrations on the bank rather than myself. anywhoo, im filling out my deposit slip when im approached by a guy who has taken his hair combing tips from don king and has the smell of pf changs dumpsters, you know little fishy little chinese foody. delicious really?!?? he asks me the time... twice... then if he could make a deposit without his ATM card because strangly enough while living on the street its hard to keep track of such a shiny piece of plastic.

finally that conversation so rich in interest was ended when the teller called him up. it was then i noticed the man standing in line behind me. so he was wearing sweats, no big deal right cuz, well i'll be honest, so was i. but unlike myself his hoodless matching sweater was tucked in to his elastic band tightie whities. thats right. not into the sweats or untucked for that matter but into his underwear in which his sweatpants were pulled a bit lower ensuring the clear sight of this fashion catastrophe.

finally we have a woman wearing one of those full track suits. black withpink pinstriping around the sleave and collar cuffs. i provide such a distinct description for the pure enjoyment of what the rest of her outfit provides. there was a hole in the ass of the pants. you know not anywear to not be noticed. right on the cheek. oh but she was quite aware or at least i assume so seeing as she was wearing matching pink underwear in case anyone, like myself, noticed the hole, but refrained from judging becase at least she matches!

keep posted. im sure there are many more strange encounters through my trecks of north park.

Mosquito punching and washing dishes.

so apparently the west nile virus has hit a few folks in the north park area. you know. where i live. craaaazy. so call me paranoid but i bought some bug spray. mostly because my luck is about as good as paris hilton keeping her legs closed, so i would totally be the kid on her bike to ride right through a pack of west nile mosquitos. I mean i would definitely throw down some face punches on those fuckin mosquitos but one would most likely get me right in the nose. so not only would i have west nile but id have a mosquito bite on my nose, which will most likely itch so bad my scratching would turn it into a total face rash turning the entire situation into pure turmoil. 

so i bought bug spray.

and for the most part im staying in doors. 

indoors is boring. so i washed the dishes. all 13 thousand of them. yeah there are four of us, a little sink, and biiiig appetites. so there are always like 13 thousand dishes. and i washed all of them. my fingers are still pruny. eww i hate wrinkled fingers. they make this rubbery noise if you rub them together. ahhh it bothers me just typing it. 

tournament this weekend. we came in second. as usual. haha we're always number 2 until it counts. ucsb ill see you at regionals bitches. your goin down. im hurtin though. shit it was 5 rough games in way to little of time. bruised and battered=understatement. i had a blasty though. cass was hilarious all weekend. i miss her. and well a weekend with those girls is always the best time ever. i really got to know some of the newbies too which is awesome. i looove getting to know new kids. you can never have enough buddies. plus for some strange reason some of the best people i ever meet are from this team. and so far that has held true. 

im excited for the next weekend of shenanigans and wins. 8-1-1 aint too shabby my friends. 

one tree hill=love. soapnet is my savior. 

out.

lyndzzz

rain. wins. and a 5 head

How about this weekend.

it was interesting to say the least.

lets start with friday. lo's birthday party was a smash hit. well first off it was really good to hang with cass again. im talkin really hang like the good ol' days. Lauren themed her party 'red carpet hollywood' or something like thats, so in true cass and lyndz fashion we mocked the situation. i went and picked her up and before making a fashionably late appearence we stopped at longs... and rite-aid. yeah 2 drug stores to find the most perfect, obnoxiously big sunglasses. of course we found a perfect pair that had a sticker on the lens reading 'the hot new trend'. aw perfect celebrity bashing. cass topped it off with a stuffed little dog in her purse that we appropriately named star bright rainbow butt. haha don;t know where that came from.

anywhoo the party was just full of shenanigans as usual. and i tell you what the jungle juice or whatever they called it, something about being naked. but damn it was so strong if I had another i may have gotten naked. maybe thats the motivation behind the drink title. anywhoo a couple glasses of naked drink, about 4 beers, and a constant flow of captain mo from amies purse posed for a long night followed by a scorching hangover.

saturday.

woke up around noon with a drill in my brain and an empty stomach to say the least. watched notre dame beat stanford. go fighting irish. and eventually headed out to my game at ucsd. roomates came to watch me play. woo hoo. anywhoo 15 minutes into the game we're up 2 nill off a beckham like set piece goal from the golden foot of my freshman sweeper, and a fancy footwork, meg the goalkeeper flashdance from one of my star forwards. having a not to shabby performance myself i come out for a one on one play slide out and blackness. bam nailed in the head by... something... and out cold. all i remember is the initial slide and then the trainer talking to me. apparently about a minute of continual play happened, me lifeless on the floor. im escorted off the field golf cart style and about 30 seconds after play resumed they score on us. shit. they eventually score again and we end up tying 2-2. and i'm stricken with a 5 head. seriously ive got quite the lump on my cranium. dammit.

so i head home put some ice on my dome and watch baseball. it rains. havent gotten that in a while. it was nice though. big sweats. my most comfortable huge grey puma hoodie and teee-veee. dodgers sweep the cubs. woo-hoo. according to pita i watched about an hour of clerks 2 and spoke to boo on the phone for about a half an hour. these i do not recall. except the dodgers. no blow to the head would make me forget my boys in blue sweeping the best team in the national league. one step closer boys one step closer. anywhoo so my saturday wasnt too shabby. 2 wins and a tie in my sports world. of course i'd like my actual game to be a tie but ill settle for undefeated still.

wake up sunday. totally dizzy. pounding skull and lost a few moments of the previous evening. buuut ill live to see another day. anywhoo, headed out to watch our mens game and prepare to well, watch my game from the sidelines once again. man its like someone out there is against me playing cuz right when i get healthy i hurt my... head. what the fuuuu. anywhoo we win 2-1... again. but i cant complain. a wins a win!

head home and watch football and baseball all day. colts win. chargers lose. angels win. another good day in sports.

so thats my weekend. hoped you found it as entertaining as i have thus far. man my head hurts. but not only where i got hit, in between my eyes is a little soft to the touch and well that resulted from my drunken debacle friday night. god knows how that happened.

oh and in case you were wondering. i made the save.

goodnight.

lyndzzz

Don't kill the messenger for neglected hoodies

class. i missed my first one cuz' my exhausted ass slept right through three alarms. yeah that's right. three alarms. but lucky enough for me that's the one class i can get away with missing. as for my second class. not so much. buuut i made it to that one.

so this class is a discussion section related to my lecture on media and the news. my discussion TA split our class up into four groups to discuss two different arguments each week. one group pro and one con for each dispute. this week the two issues were freedom of the press, and if there should be restrictions on freedom of speech.

so this is where I tell you the basis of this blog.

who's to say that my opinion matters to anyone let alone myself but whether you care or not I'm gonna lay it out there so take it for what it is.

so in this class, for some strange reason I have become the group leader and spit our argument every week like I'm some sort of politician. I mean i am a leader in many fashions, although I'm definitely not the kid that checks to see if anyone is in a classroom before i walk in. ha, you know that situation where five or six kids are standing outside waiting for someone to make the first move. I don't make that first move, but i do speak out in class. well moving on. here's what I think about freedom of the press and freedom of speech.

The press has the power to skew any bit of information as they please. and they do so to sell magazines, newspapers, and spot advertisements. please bare in mind that the media and the press are profit motivated companies so it only makes sense for them to to print or play stuff that sells. and face it people want the dirt. It's like nascar. for the most part people watch nascar for the crashes, without a crash or two your just watching a bunch of cars making left hand turns over and over and over. you mine as well go to traffic school. so why not make every situation sound worse, or why not only show the violence. here's where the issue of freedom of the press arises. Does the press have two much power? and should this power be monitored. No. we as humans are beings of free will. which means we have the choice to watch or hear these stories. we also have the power to formulate opinions on what we hear or watch. so here's my take on it. don't be afraid of what they tell us, and don't waste your energy fighting what could be great. spend your time gathering as much information as possible and utilizing how many news sources there are. cuz' lets be honest here, they're not all out to get us, and they don't all skew information. don't try to restrict freedom of the press, prevent yourself from becoming a pawn in their game.

as for freedom of speech. again we are posed with the fact that we are all beings of free will. hear what you want, read what you want, see what you want and if you have a problem with what people say or do avoid it. the way i see it if someone says something your not to keen on you have the freedom to respond how you want. so if we were to take away some of these freedoms it's not only restricting what that person said but how you feel about it if that makes any sense.

to be completely honest i don't care enough to have a strong opinion and when it really comes down to it i just like to make people laugh. so i basically just killed any ounce of credibility my opinion may have had.

on another note. what the fuck is with the right/left-handed desk situation. just stop being lazy and lift up your arm. that's all I'm saying. i mean some people make a big deal out of it.

Vinnie mowed the lawn today. it looks nice.

I hope the storm they keep talking about rolls in. it would be awesome to play in the rain this weekend. and I have a couple hoodies that feel neglected. and we cant have sad hoodies lying around now can we?

if you made it this far in the blog I commend you. here is a video that i really think you should watch. it's pretty good. and well you should vote. if you don't than i wouldn't even recommend forming opinions on freedoms.

I'm voting. so I'm fully approved to tell you how i feel on those issues. ha.




[[ no on prop 8 ]]
[[ barack the vote ]]